The Good, the Bad and the Angry

The Good, the Bad and the Angry

(The Emotional Truth)

It always surprises me that one of the most common things that holds back those new to their spiritual path is the illusion that emotions are either 'Good' (such as happy and loving) or 'Bad' (such as anger or sadness).

We have emotions because we are human beings and it is a perfectly natural and wonderful thing. They are just different energetic expressions of where we are in that moment. Emotions provide us with important information because they tell us, at a deeper level than our mind, what is really going on for us in that moment. And they are more reliable than our mind which, because it carries conditioning and the pressures of others expectations, often wants to put up a mask and so is not always honest about how we really are, to our-self or others.

Society has come to attach a notional label of 'Good' or 'Bad' to emotions depending on whether they are socially acceptable, or whether they are likely to impact 'positively' or 'negatively' on our ability to function as part of a society. Society handles some emotions easily, such as laughter, happiness (so long as they are not extreme expressions like rolling around on the pavement with laughter!). But other emotions are avoided, such as tears and anger. These emotions are often seen as inconvenient and embarrassing and so, not surprisingly, we often suppress them (to 'get rid' of them) and pretend they don’t exist and maybe try to focus on a ‘good’ emotion to get us into a good space. Short term this seems like a good idea and can make us feel better, but in the longer term this gets us nowhere.

There are no good or bad emotions - all emotion is an expression of what we are feeling in that moment and is an outward flow of energy. Anger is often cited as a 'negative' emotion - it is actually a beautiful emotion that is extremely powerful and flows like a torrent! Many people will perceive it as a 'bad' emotion because in their experience it is often aimed at them, or aimed randomly, and accompanied by physical and/or emotional harm. So fear arises as soon as anger is encountered and it is tempting to avoid it at every opportunity. Hence we never get to experience the power and beauty of pure anger without that fear of harm.

These emotions are a valuable doorway to our deeper self and there are ways in which we can use them to go deeper. We can notice them and allow them to be there totally, and really feel the emotion. We can remain present to it, accepting that in this moment we have this emotion and feel it totally, so allowing it to pass. Sometimes we may need to express it, although for some emotions a safe space to express them in is not always available.

This may seem similar to suppressing it but it is in fact the opposite. When we suppress it we resist it and move away from it or find something else to do to ’take our mind off it’. When we allow it to be there we move closer to it, welcome it and immerse ourselves totally in the emotion (which may then become more intense), welcoming all of it to stay with us in that moment and for as long as it needs to. Then after a short time we will find that it dies by itself allowing us to move on in a more peaceful and clear space.

Whether you express them or just feel them, do it totally, else you will suppress the rest of it. By repeating this process we find that, in the longer term, we feel the benefits of allowing all emotions and we become more real and have more clarity.

Allowing emotions to be there takes courage as it is something we don’t normally do, and welcoming them in may seem counter-intuitive, but the benefits are there waiting for us. However, first we do need to let go of the idea that there are ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’ emotions, and realise they are all OK. They are not you at your deepest level, but they are the closest you will get to 'you' in that moment, so accept and cherish them in that moment, be real and allow them to be there.

And the point of all this? Because if you want to know who you are at your deepest level then these emotions are a doorway opening inwards - for you to go deeper and start to explore...

More to Life than Increasing its Speed

'There is more to life than increasing its speed'

Mahatma Gandhi

1869 - 1948

A poster with this quote and picture of Gandhi has been prominent on the London Underground recently. Some cynics may say this is an attempt by Transport for London (who sponsor the posters) to suggest that a slower journey is a good thing, and that tube upgrades are unnecessary! However there are other interpretations...

When I read this quote for the first time I was surprised to realise that, even a century ago, Gandhi was already seeing a world where change caused him to question the real benefits of 'progress'. And the pace of change in those days was a tiny fraction of what we see today.

When I came to work in the City of London in 1990, I saw a 'mobile' phone for the first time. From memory it was bigger than the proverbial brick and came with an even larger battery which was so heavy it had to be worn on a special belt. Naturally (in those days) I was impressed. It enabled the trader wearing it to be 'in touch' with the markets whilst also being in the pub at the same time! I wondered whether I would ever be important enough to be worthy of such a status symbol! :-)

Just 20 years later, anyone without a sleek, pocket-size, multifunctional mobile phone is setting themselves up for social exclusion, and we have seamlessly integrated the idea of a 24/7 culture into our lives.

Technology helps us stay in touch with our family and friends - without having the hassle of actually meeting them! We can have new friends we have never met. We can maximise the use of our time. Do more. Have more. Go faster. Fit more stuff in. We will not have time for enough sleep. But somehow that will be OK.

Even when we aren't actually doing anything, thoughts fill our minds - there is so much to think about, so many possibilities - we simply don't allow our minds to switch off. My life must be more than it is. I must be more. This is not enough!

So why should we be concerned? This is an improvement, a step forward, an advantage. It makes our lives more efficient! We can do more in each day. Live on adrenaline. And then, one day, when finally we have achieved all we want, then finally we will find the time to be happy! (We hope.)

But STOP for a moment, if you dare, and consider the cost. Is it possible that we are simply adding more to our lives, somehow cramming more in, without any leakage or loss?

You may find we are not adding to our lives, we are simply exchanging one thing for another. Yes, we can have more and do more but at the same time as we are getting our hands on a sleek new exciting piece of hardware or software, without noticing we are allowing something else to silently slip away.

Bit by bit we are letting go of those moments when we could stop and not have to do anything, not have to think anything. Those moments when life is OK, just as it is without us having to try and fix it! Those times where we can just appreciate the world as it is and feel the deeper quality of each moment. They are becoming fewer. We are neglecting our deeper self, our deeper needs.

We have no time for this moment! We are too busy thinking about how to manage the next moment, rushing on to the next meeting, the next workout, the next social... we have the speed, we have got QUANTITY sorted... but the inner QUALITY of the present moment is lost.

To feel the present moment is to risk feeling your truth.

To the proverbial alien visitor, it would probably appear that most of us want to do more, to be in touch with others and the outside world at all times and extract the maximum QUANTITY from our lives.

Yet when I ask people for what purpose they are doing and having these things, I get the answer that what they really want is to feel inner QUALITIES like, love, peace, acceptance and happiness.

We continue to look outside for these qualities because it is a lot easier to look outwards and measure our lives externally (using judgment and comparison with others), than it is to be honest and look inwards and feel our own truth. And in the short term the satisfaction gained from looking outside can seem like a good substitute for what we really want.

But the real qualities we seek are not on the outside, they are only found by looking inwards and that is what we are ignoring as we are lost in the fog of the race for more speed.

That is what Gandhi's quote means to me. Speed is one of life's variables, and it can be exciting but it is not worth chasing at the expense of the qualities we are truly seeking.

Do you have All Your Adult Teeth or were you Chased by a Hippo?

Have you All Your Adult Teeth or were you Chased by a Hippo?

Not the obvious chat up line but it would have been perfectly acceptable at the School of Awareness (SofA) Launch Party which was held in central London on 20 April 2010. It attracted a good crowd, some new, some familiar faces and everyone was soon mixing enthusiastically partly in thanks to the icebreaker which challenged you to identify people in the room who had 'achieved' one of 15 unusual things. Could you honestly sign for 'juggling 3 balls for 10 seconds'?

SofA has been founded by former bank manager Ankur to support and expand individual and collective Self-Awareness, Consciousness and search for Truth by delivering high quality Empowering, Experiential and Transformational workshops, active meditations and events that are affordable and open to all.

This is badly needed at this time, especially in London where there is a tendancy to get dragged into leading a very superficial life and not making time for our deeper self.

To ensure these events are open to as many people as possible, all chargeable events are ‘Income Based’ so participants choose what they pay based on what they can afford. For example, the upcoming workshop 'Inner Personal Power' on Sunday 23 May ranges from £25 for students and those on benefits, and then in £10 increments all the way up to £95 for the highest earners. Other events are free, such as the innovative ‘Social, Picnic and Meditation in the Forest’ events held deep in London's Epping Forest during the summer months where as well as connecting with each other, we connect with the forest and so with ourselves. Most Londoners don't even know that there are over 6,000 acres of real forest on their doorstep, let alone that it is all accessible by Tube! The next event in the forest is on Sunday 13 June. See www.SchoolofAwareness.co.uk

for details of this and other events.

So just how do you spot someone who has been 'chased by a hippo' across a crowded bar? And should you check if they have all their adult teeth before you ask? As each participant could only sign for one 'achievement' and it transpired that only one person in the room had ever been chased by a hippo, but several claimed to have all their adult teeth (and keeping them in a box didn't count!), what you asked someone to sign for was important. The winning strategy required you to be more successful than the hippo and corner the lone escapee for her signature before moving on to check other people's teeth!

By the end of the evening it emerged that the quietest person in the room had jumped out of a plane, it was the Swedish girl who 'had a Snowmobile License', whilst the whitest person in the room was 'from Brazil'! Participants who had 'swum with sharks' or could 'hold a conversation in 3 languages' were also discovered. And what about the guy who said he could 'juggle 3 balls for 10 seconds'? Yes he could and he proved it.

And congratulations to the two winners Vishal and Ossie who each win a SofA workshop of their choice. All in all it was a great start to a new chapter on the SofA.

Path of Love - The Aftermath

Finally made it back to the chilling reality of London a few days ago. It seems a long time since I crashed out exhausted on Day 6 of Path of Love (PoL). I spent the next 3 weeks in Pune trying to physically recover from all that had gone on, some obvious and much of it far too deep for me to be aware of yet.

Yes certainly stuff has changed and I do feel much freer - maybe some barriers have disappeared - and I dont feel right now that I HAVE to do anything I dont want to do. It is like what I had thought was possible before is now happening and to tell the truth it really isnt much effort! I have clarity and any remnants of fear that lap around me are easily ignored. I have a real choice, although the way forward is so simple and clear that it isnt much choice at all - I can onle see one path so what chance of confusion? (the project in hand is to set up a centre/school of spiritual development in London).

How much of this is because of PoL I am not sure (ironically that bit isnt clear! - but then it involves looking back to how things were before which is something I do not wish to spend time on in this moment) because I had this sense of direction before I went to Pune but now I keep asking myself where is the difficulty with this project, where is the reason I am not doing it now, and there is no reason and I am making it happen now (actually it feels like it is happening by itself and I am merely doing a bit of administration to allow it to flow).

And everything I said in PoL seems so irrellevent in a way cos it was nothing to do with what I am doing now - but I do realise of course that the sharings, the honesty and the where I am now are very closely related - all those barriers and all those fears about not being good enough in whatever way (and for me that it what they all came down to) have caused all fears about not being good enough to evaporate and all those very real barriers I saw before have melted away. What I shared was just the tip of the iceberg but it has caused the whole iceberg to melt.

And so now I am left in a strange sense of freedom. Like walking through a landscape with no features - no barriers and nothing to stop me doing whatever I want. That is strange because I am not used to it, and free because in this moment everthing is simple, and I trust and have time. Maybe I am just choosing the simple things to do and ignoring the complicated - and if I am then that seems like a pretty good idea too - why indulge my mind in the complicated when it is not necessary?

Enough of this mind stuff - back to the journey - simple, clear and free. For the moment at least.

India (again) Dec 2009 to Jan 2010

I have been in Pune, India (a very rapidly growing sprawling mass of 3.5 million people) for 6 weeks now at an ashram (or more correctly the Osho International Meditation Resort) - great to get away from the cold and snow to the warm and reliable weather of India... And doing some intense inner work including assisting on an 8 day Primal course and participating in a 7 day Path of Love. After these then I was completely exhausted (physically, emotionally, in every way) - but I still managed to notice a few things about India... the good, the bad and the very ugly... not necessarily in that order.

Things that I dont connect with:

- The traffic on North Main Road - Five years a go when I first came here it, this was a poorly paved road which didnt really go anywhere and it had a few cars and bikes that bumped their way up and down the road. Cows roamed the verges in search of food, and water-buffalo were regularly herded up and down it on their way to the river, causing not much inconvenience to the trickle of traffic.
Now it is a fully paved dual-carriageway-superhighway crammed full of cars and (motor)bikes. It is not just 'busy', everyone using it is attempting suicide. And as I have to cross the road several times a day (as the ashram is on one side and I live on the other) and apart from at 5.30 in the morning when it is quiet, I always feel that I am half a step away from not making it. So then that makes me a reluctant road user, and therefore an unwilling participant in this suicide pact.
Getting halfway across is the worst as then I have to stand cms from traffic, whizzing by in both directions, who sole aim is to miss me by as little as possible. And if I should wobble, lose balance or take a tiny step forward or back I would immediately be gobbled up in a knashing of spokes and a mess of car body parts.

I occasionally sat and watched it all (whilst drinking freshly squeezed sweet lime at the roadside) and was amazed at how close everything came to hitting each other - the only word that kept coming to my mind was 'Suicide! Suicide!' How can these people put themselves through this it is madness only worse! Somehow they miss - I dont know how. But with 30,000 people killed on India's roads every year and countless more injured then I guess they dont always. But there is no road rage, no one gets angry, no-one is taking anyones elses space, because in India the rule is that 'everyone has right of way all of the time unless someone else gets there first' and everyone knows this and this allows them all to drive like maniacs without ever realising it!

There is a crossing - and I used it once - it has green and red lights to tell the traffic when to stop and the pedestrians when to cross. Unfortunately I thought it would work - that was my mistake - and so crossed when the green man appeared only to find the traffic roaring all around me as if I shouldnt have been there. Safer not to use the crossing!

And of course the road gives rise to incredible noise and pollution... but that is a whole other story.

- Pollution - this is a whole other story (told you so) - being unable to breath, being knee deep in rubbish, being awakened at all hours of the night, the stench in some places... from every imaginable source: cars, bikes, rubbish, washing powder in the rivers - in short everywhere and everything pollutes and no-one really seems to do anything about it...

- Cockroaches - I find it difficult to respect the (Hindu) sanctity of life when there are large cockroaches in my room - sod them they are gonna get trodden on!

- Words that Indians dont understand No. 8
'Quietly' - Nothing is ever done quietly - it is all an excuse to make a noise. Even in the cinema everyone loves to describe each scene to their neighbour as though they were blind; in English, Hindi or Marathi, or frequently a combination of the three.


But enough of moaning - there must be some great stuff about India:

What I was in tune with:

- Th eoccasional small herd of Water-buffalo crossing the road as if they own it (well I guess historically they do). What I love is that they just walk out into the streaming traffic without a care in the world and without any fear at all. The traffic realises this and has to slow or even stop (a rarity in India) and the buffalo just stroll around totally unhurried - I found it beautiful to watch - it makes a change, the old creating havoc in the 'advanced' world rather than the other way round - maybe the balance is being restored.

- The food - it is great, fantastic, can be very cheap, always interesting and usually waiting time is minimal. This applies to Indian food. (It does not apply to the various Indian attempts at European food which are woeful and embarressing! In England we have Indian people who cook Indian food, Chinese people who cook Chinese food, Italians to cook Italian food etc etc and that is they way it should be - this experience has shown I do not value that diversity enough!).

- The wildlife - diverse and beautiful in all its ways - the constant supply of different coloured flowers that fall around me as I walk along (less busy) roads, the herons, egrets, kingfishers, cormorant, striped squirrels, parakeets, and elegant vultures that constantly glide overhead (like birds of prey not like the scrawney ugly ones in cartoons) and small birds - they all somehow put up with the pollution to live here - how they do it I dont know but I am grateful that they do. And then there are the enormous fruit bats which come out every evening and dance around they sky.
There is an exception - the elephant that is made to walk up and down the superhighway to grab the attention of locals and foreigners alike - it is an amazing animal but it should not have to suffer this environment.

- The markets (mainly fruit and vegetable) full of vibrant colour and shapes, and with some things I had never seen before - especially the matt black stuff that looked like small bit of coal - I was told you have to peel and cook them (a bit like potato).

- The meat market - despite being mainly Hindu (who are vegetarians normally) and cows being sacred, I did manage to eventually find a thriving (Muslim) beef market. Oddly enough an awful lots of cats and a huge number of vultures seemed to have discovered it too!

- The colours - this is a colourful society beyond doubt - why do we wear desperately boring colours in England - maybe we are desperately boring?

- The dogs - There are many on every street corner almost all unowned. I am strangely attracted to them - most are in decent health - as they are playful and friendly and I love the way they just go to sleep by the roadside and expect everyone to go around them (and everyone does) and then just get up when they want and wander around, defending their territory against insurgent dogs - it is a whole culture in itself.

- The pavements - actually the pavements are useless for walking along - I have no idea what the actual purpose of a pavement is in India but where they exist they are put together with such care that they must have a purpose. What I love is that if there is an obstruction, like a tree, in the way they just incorporate it into the pavement, no cutting down of trees here. Unfortunately this often means that the pavement is completely obstructed by the tree and so everyone has to step into the road to walk around it. So most people just end up walking in the road anyway.

- The poverty and the disparity between rich and poor - I have to mention it even though the huge divide between rich and poor goes unnoticed after a while - it is just part of the fabric of life here. It is a direct result of being Hindu - if you are born desperately poor then it is your karma and so you should stay that way for this lifetime. In Pakistan, which is generally poorer, there are almost no very poor people, as one of the tenants of Islam is to give to the poor. I do have to remind myself that the whole of India's poor are not my problem although it does sometimes feel like it - especially when the beggars who target westerners are on the prowl (and that means that they aren't 'real' beggars anyway but out to con those who are a little more gullible).

When I came to the end of my stay I gathered up all my excess clothes and bits and pieces that I wasn't going to take home to give away to locals who ran basic stalls along the roadside so they could sell them. Amongst them was a plastic 'lunch' box that I had bought, used and no longer needed. I decided to fill it with nice stuff and give it to someone who I had come into contact with and who was obviously poor. This raised tonnes of issues such as:
- what do I fill it with - what does a 'poor' person in India need?
- Am I helping the right people - I mean is the family I intended to give it to really poor? - I mean there must be poorer people around.
- what does poor mean in India? How little do you have to have - do you have to be starving to be poor - and how do I know whether they are or not? They do look poor and most people who are poor try and look like they aren't (apart from professional beggars).
- If I can help one family a bit why can't I help others - 2 families, 3, 4, ...10 ...100 ... In some ways helping one family seems so pointless in amongst the millions that need it.
- And why am I doing it - is it just to feed my ego? (not that 'poor' people would care but I did feel that my motivation was important.
- And what if they didnt accept it - unlikley in India but who was I to break the Hindu concept of karma and acceptance?

In the end I decided:
- Anyone who sits by the side of the road all day trying to scrape together a very basic living is poor.
- Helping one family is better than helping no-one
- I can only do as much as I am able in this moment
- I may be feeding my ego but creating this 'opportunity' and making it happen also it felt like an important thing to do (not historically being some-one who gives anything away).

So I asked at a shop what 'poor' people might need and filled my box with what they suggested (like shampoo, toothbrushes, tothpaste etc) plus I added a few more fun things like chocolate and biscuits (well if you are going to clean your teeth you might as well make it worthwhile). And they were delighted to accept it - as delighted as I was to give it. And whether it made a difference I dont know - I would guess at 'a little'. And ego satisfied - giving is not that difficult after all.



I have concluded that India, and Pune in particular, and North Main Road Superhighway in particular particular is simply an experiment to see how much stuff you can throw at one place (and by stuff I mean people, cars, bikes, rubbish, pollution, dogs, shops, in fact life in general) and keep throwing more and more stuff at it, and without anyone controlling anything, just see what happens. This is what it feels like and so far the experiment is progressing well with huge increases in everything and life adapts and still functions - which is lucky cos the experiment has very far to go! I hate to think what it will be like in 10 or 20 years, but it will be stretched to the limit, and probably beyond. But being India, it will still some how function just because it has to cos people's lives depend on it worksing somehow (although outsiders may not use the word 'function' to describe it).


The last word must go to the Indians who put up with all the shit, accept it and get on with life, cos that is just how it is right now. I am not sure if I want to learn a lot from this or not! The acceptance of 'what is' is great, but it feels like there is also an acceptance that things will always be like this (or worse) so why bother trying to change them - and that feels like a missed opportunity. India is full of contradictions and I should expect nothing less than to be challenged by them all!

Are Your Emotions Real?

One thing I notice repeatedly in workshops and meditations I facilitate is the resistance some people have to admitting to themselves (and others) that they are not a perfect bundle of love and joy all of the time. For them it is quite a shock to be told that it is OK to be Sad, Angry or to Cry as well as to be Love and Happiness. Not surprisingly, often their first instinct is to reject it and then maybe accept that it is OK for others but not OK for themselves!

Somewhere along the line they have picked up these beliefs, maybe from their parents, and maybe it has been reinforced by society in general. Of course, society doesn’t often openly say ‘Don’t be Sad’, ‘Don’t Cry’ or ‘Don’t be Angry’ but it is hidden in many messages we get ranging from Government measuring ‘Happiness’ and how it is ‘good’ to be happy, to the social embarrassment of a friend crying or being angry in the street. In fact, almost everyone reinforces that it is ‘OK to be Happy’ but not ‘OK to be Sad’ by their unconscious words and actions, such as saying ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘Cheer up and give me a smile’ when that clearly isn’t the emotion that needs to be expressed right then.

I am certainly not saying that being sad or angry is better than being happy but, as human beings, all emotions naturally arise in us from time to time, not just the ones we have chosen to label ‘good’. Expressing Joy and Love is unbelievably fantastic and an abundance of these qualities lies deep beneath our everyday emotions. But to connect with them we need to go deeper. How? By first simply connecting with yourself and notice how you actually feel deep down in that moment, and allow yourself to be exactly that. Totally accept that however you feel is real for you and just allow it to be there in that moment. Recognise that, in that moment, this is ‘you’ (or more accurately a collection of you and all the emotional baggage you have picked up throughout your life). And totally express and release the everyday emotions that are there. Really be yourself!

Unfortunately, whilst freely expressing emotions is OK in your own space, it is not generally OK in a society which has become used to people presenting a whole range of (fake) masks, one for every situation, and it is far easier to conform to what others expect! Pity, because underneath all the layers of masks and everyday emotion there lies an abundance of real Joy, Love, Happiness, Peace etc. Real because it isn’t painted on like a mask. Real because there is no need to pretend ‘I’m good right now’ when I’m not. Real because we don’t even need to think ‘happy thoughts’ to connect with it. But first we need to express whatever is there in order to go deeper and discover the wonderful stuff that lies hidden within. But most of us don’t, simply because for our whole lives we have been trained to conform to the rules of this society which just isn’t comfortable with us being real. And we take the easy option and carry on conforming rather than breaking away from those rules and living as our real selves.

So what is the point of being real? Expressing your emotions can bring great clarity and peace within and allows you to go deeper, beyond those emotions, bringing more realisations about who you truly are. This is a path towards Your True Self - but it isn’t an instant fix so don’t expect an instant ‘cure’ - this is the start of a path of self-discovery and self-realisation of who you really are at your deepest level.

So, if you choose, you can stop all the ‘trying’ to be something you aren’t (just so you can appear to be happy to others) and give this a go:

1. Find a physical space where you feel comfortable;
2. Start ‘being’ yourself by connecting deeply inside (remove distractions, close you eyes, allow your thoughts to fall away, and just notice how you really feel, deep down, right now - don’t try to be anything different);
3. Be totally open and honest with yourself (don’t worry if you find this challenging);
4. Release and express whatever you find there (but remember do not harm yourself or anyone else, and if you feel physical anger, hitting a pillow is better than smashing up the room);
5. Notice how you feel deep inside afterwards - you may notice peace or clarity beneath any remnants of the emotion you expressed. The more you do this the more you will notice.
6. Then when you have the courage to go beyond the fear of letting others see who you really are, you can start being truly be real when others are around. Just be aware that other people may be offended if, for example, you express anger at them or when you are with them (this is their issue - yours is the one you are expressing - but they probably won’t be aware of this) so take it one step at a time. Maybe start by simply being honest with them and telling them how you feel.

If it feels like some more guidance and practice on being your real self could be useful see the Awakening Your Inner Child and Discovering Your Own Meditation Workshops at www.LondonCollegeofSpirituality.co.uk and the ‘Free My Life’ Spiritual Coaching Programme at www.spiritual-coaching.co.uk

How Superficial are You? --OR-- The Easiest Mistake You can make on Your Spiritual Path

One of the biggest barriers we face as spiritual seekers is the ease with which we can fall into the pretence of the superficial world of Love, Peace and Joy.

Don’t get me wrong; the world that our spiritual teachers almost universally ‘sell’ us does exist. And the qualities such as Love, Peace and Joy are there in abundance. There is nothing superficial about that; unfortunately nearly all of us aren’t there yet.

What is superficial is when we TRY to feel love, joy or peace because then we fall flat on our faces. Take this simple example:

1. I feel angry with a particular person.


2. I then remember what my teacher said, and think ‘I shouldn’t feel anger, I should feel love for this person’.


3. So I ‘go inside’ and try and find love for this person, and maybe I do, but in focussing on love, I have suppressed the anger.

It would be nice to think that in connecting with love, the anger would just float away on a cloud! It doesn’t.

In a situation where you feel an emotion, anger for example, you have three choices:

1. Suppress it. The unresolved anger may seem to disappear, it hasn’t it has just been pushed into your subconscious. Your subconscious will put it with all your other suppressed anger and present it for resolution at a future time when triggered by some event. With practice this can be done with a minimum of conscious effort but the emotional effort is significant, as the subconscious will repeatedly present the ‘heap’ of suppressed anger for resolution until you deal with it.


2. Half-heartedly suppress the anger thinking I don’t want to feel angry, and allow it to hang around for hours or days before eventually ‘forgetting’ about it (suppressing it). This is the one that most people take most of the time because it requires the least conscious effort; subconsciously it involves more emotional turmoil than the above.


3. Sit with it. Watch it. It’s OK to be angry. Allow it to be there. Go deeper into it. Really feel it. Experience it. Become it totally. Express it if you are in a physical space where you can; if not, just feel it totally. In short: Be Real, this is the biggest challenge.When it is ready it will go; allow that release. You may find a calmness and clarity arise to ‘replace’ it. If anger returns at any stage then it has not been fully experienced or expressed, so repeat the above.

This applies to any emotion or feeling that arises. Whatever it is, by allowing it to be there totally you can experience it and allow it to go.

Trying to feel a particular way is destructive. Holding on to the ‘good’ emotions or stopping the ‘bad’ ones is an example of you trying to be something other than you are in that moment. Instead, just allow whatever is there to be there.

If you want to ‘hurry up’ the process it is possible, though not by yearning after love, joy or peace, but by using a technique like Self Enquiry that allows you to go more deeply into whatever is there for you in that moment. Qualities such as Love, Joy and Peace will arise by themselves once enough of your lifelong suppressed emotions have been released.

Do You feel challenged by this? If so, then great! It’s OK to feel challenged. Stay with the feeling of challenge and go deeper into the feeling (don’t get lost in the mind thinking about it). Being challenged in one way of moving forward on your path.

If you don’t feel challenged then maybe you were already fully aware of this, or you have had an ‘Ah-ha’ moment, or maybe you have just thrown it away because you just aren’t ready for it yet. And if that challenges you, then allow yourself to be open and go back and read it again…

Ankur Spiritual Coaching - Guidance for You on Your path...