I was a spectator, not only of the spectacular crescendo of explosions that enlightened the Thames in the first minutes of the 21st century, but I was a spectator in my life too. Just watching it bounce along in no particular direction. Of course I did have direction, but it was from work and others. My life was being directed by others; I was just fitting in, to their show. What was I getting out of my life? Where was I going?
I was a bank manager. A hard-working, focussed, stressed and thoroughly pissed-off bank manager. I had a ‘good’ job and I played hard too, but I was (very) slow in realising that I didn’t have a Life. I was merely a distant and powerless observer of my existence, as it slid aimlessly down a slippery slope. I was devoid of feeling, unknown to joy, and had never been truly ‘in love’. And I was a complete stranger to the values of peace and fulfilment. Plus I was lost in the maze that is the corporate jungle…
And then it all changed.
Within months I had a choice to make. Move to another role with the bank or take a redundancy. I thought, I analysed (‘cos that’s what I did best), I thought again, and from somewhere I found uncertain courage to take the money and run. And run I did. Well actually I stumbled a bit at first. But once in my stride I ran and ran and ran. For six years, through over 50 countries and across six continents (Antarctica still eludes me).
Along the way I ended up in India and thought that I would take in an ashram for a week just because… well, to see what it was like and to try something different (I had never meditated before). And luckily I found a fellow traveller to drag me along to one, although not without a stack of reservations on my part about... everything.
So what was it like? Like getting up at 5.30am to do a one-hour very active meditation, then a shower, then a one-hour very silent meditation, and that was all before breakfast. And then meditate some more during the morning, more in the afternoon and some more in the evening. And they were the easy bits! I struggled with the numerous petty rules – you must wear a robe, and it must be this colour during the day… and this colour in the evening (more stuff to buy)… and only this colour trunks in the swimming pool… and use this payment card in the day but only this one in the evening and… AAAAAAARGGG! Plus it was very expensive by Indian standards and I was a backpacker on a budget. Now suddenly submerged and lost in a bewildering world, rules stalked me - openly, money flowed worryingly quickly from ATM to ashram, and the only thing I was ‘Being’, was totally confused. For five long days I fought and struggled bravely with these multi-headed monsters. And then tragedy! I was shocked to learn that my mind, which I had considered to be my ultra reliable and dependable sidekick ‘til then, was actually the sworn enemy of meditation and even that it wasn’t me at all! By now my world was gyrating uncertainly.
Sure, there was value in the meditations, and some of the multitude of multi-day courses looked good if I could only understand what they were all about, but they were sooooo expensive… and anyway, I was only there a week, so no time for that. But it was playing on my mind – if indeed it was my mind? Confusion reigned.
I was just about to book my tickets for ‘elsewhere’ when my resistance suddenly ceased! It was the calm after the storm. OK so maybe the clothes weren’t totally ridiculous and everyone else wore them, and besides I had bought them now. And comparing the ashram prices to those in UK made it a little easier to swallow. In these terms, maybe it wasn’t sooo bad. But that lead to a new dis-ease around there being nothing now to stop me carrying on and ‘doing stuff’ here. The meditating felt good, and I somehow felt a desperate need to do these courses. And I realised I needed some help, so ‘I’ could look at ‘me’ - was this a ridiculous concept? Could I really broaden my vision and shed the narrow view I had held all my life? And for the first time ever, could I challenge myself, challenge what I thought, connect with my feelings, have emotions, feel true love and discover who I really was? Now I was getting scared!
And that is when my journey really began.
I stayed a month, I had to move on because my visa was running out, but the seed had been sewn and I had taken a new name, Ankur (meaning 'new growth'). I had only scratched the surface, but at least I now knew where to dig. And just 12 months later I was back, this time for four months. Many hours of meditation, numerous courses, much pain and self-discovery later I emerged a very different person: with emotion, with a heart, with an awareness of true self and a new level of self-esteem. I experienced the qualities of joy, peace and total fulfilment that are my true self and can just feel how incredible it is to be in that space. I was not complete though, these were just the first few steps, but I had found a path….
And as well as going back to that ashram, further steps on my journey have included studying NLP, Life Coaching and Enlightenment Intensive work which I now combine with my experience for my new roles in life, as a Spiritual Life Change Coach and Meditation Teacher – my path it seems, is also to help others discover themselves.
So am I still a spectator of my life? Yes, I certainly am. But I am no longer looking from afar. I am looking from the inside, at the inside, aware of who I am and how I feel in every moment (well… most of them); and I realise that I am responsible for my own feelings and behaviour and I have real choices about my future. I am finally scripting my own show.
Now with new Openness and Awareness, I constantly seek the courage to Allow and Accept whatever is there. Just trying to be connected with myself and be real in every moment is an enormous challenge, which I relish simply because I can feel the benefits in every moment. I create my own reality – and my intention is always to do that from the blissful space of my True Self.
Check out how you can discover yourself and change your life at
http://www.spiritual-coaching.co.uk/
and
http://www.lifechangecoaching.co.uk/
Showing posts with label ashram. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ashram. Show all posts
Monday, 21 January 2008
Saturday, 6 May 2006
Where 39 - Pune (again), India --OR-- Where Did Being Sane Ever Get You?
HI Everyone
It has been yet another month's hard labour at the ashram, breaking rocks and the like.
Someone did ask me to describe the place I am in, but since I have been here over 3 months, walking up and down the same road everyday it has ceased to have any cultural attraction. Suffice to say that:
- The ashram is like living in a pradise with loads of jungle like trees, plants and flowers interspersed by walkways, open areas, air-con buildings and a swimming pool; You can always check it out at
www.osho.com (meditation resort)
- The main roads are hotbeds of hotrods and hotheads, choked with SUVs, tuk-tuks and two-wheelers striving to make their mark on the clock, the road and (sometimes) their foreheads since crash helmets are not required in cities (!). Calling it mayhem would hardly confer the insanity which prevails in even venturing near the roadside (the pavements being virtually unusable, let alone trying to cross it. The real killer though is the (perfectly acceptable) practice of driving or riding at the side of the road in the opposite direction to the traffic in the nearest lane ... just when I thought it was safe to walk at the side of the road, some bugger is coming the opposite way and expects me (walking) to move out into the traffic so he can nip behind me staying close to the relative safety of the kerb.
I have, on a few occasions, made the dubious decision to ride pillion on two wheelers (often driven by Italians (need I say more) - the men are crazy, the women are worse - I sit there hanging on grimley to anything that feels relatively fixed, considering that maybe this is what suicide feels like, not listening as the respective Italian enthiusiastically recounts stories of this and that (actually I have been to scared to ever listen so I dont know) in broken english with one hand forsaking the handlebars in order to give the story an unnecessary flourish, the other hand merely has a passing acquaintance (two fingers are just enough to keep the twist grip on full power, any excess fingers would reduce the excitement by bringing in an element of control). I am frozen whilst in wonderment at their power of longevity as we crash through another pothole, swerve around a large water buffalo with excessively long and threatening horns, and at this point I am tempted to remind them that whilst I have changed a lot in the past few months, I am not yet immortal!
_______________________________________________________________________
Interlude
From the reports the weather in UK actually seems to be getting a little warmer ( or less cold at least), although the amount of rain doesnt sound great. Here it is 40C during the day and 20C at night, so the fans are on all 24/7. Not that the temperature is the problem, the humidity is the killer, and it is getting to be unpleasent during the middle of the day - the only respite is air-con but then the suffering is double upon exit...
Unfortunately, as I head up north the first two places I am heading for, Udaipur and Jaipur, are even hotter - forecast 45 during the day and 30 at night!!! After that I head to the hills and cooler weather ... I hope.
_______________________________________________________________________
The most fun thing in the last month was a 3-day course on tantra - more about love, energy and breath than sex - but mingling amoungst (some) hot bodies is always beneficial; and delving into my own heart emotions by projecting onto my partner or using them as a mirror is very powerful and revealing - and maybe just a bit frightening.
And the main event has been 21 days of Mystic Rose ... I can see I will have to explain ... it may sound strange ... this is a meditation that consists of 7 days of laughing (at nothing), 7 days of crying and then 7 days of silence ... actually its not a whole day just 3 hours but the mood created inside does affect the whole day (and night). Laughing for 3 hours was really hard work cos it is non stop. Crying was extremely difficult, although it is getting in the state of mind and body that is more important than the tears themselves. Silence was a breeze! And so after that my emotions are swirling round in strange directions and will take a while to settle ... so I am heading off to a quiet place by a lake for a few days before doing a bit of travelling.
Yes after all these months, I finally have a plan which actually involves going somewhere! Starting with getting on a train and heading up north via the desert to the mountains where it should be a bit cooler; and leaving this place behind ... and I feel it really is time to leave ... I have been through so much here and existence is now pushing me elsewhere, somewhere quieter, less intense and reflective ... where I can look forward to the blossoming of new emotions...
You may of course think I am insane ... but where did being sane ever get me?? Or you??
Love and Hugs
Ankur
It has been yet another month's hard labour at the ashram, breaking rocks and the like.
Someone did ask me to describe the place I am in, but since I have been here over 3 months, walking up and down the same road everyday it has ceased to have any cultural attraction. Suffice to say that:
- The ashram is like living in a pradise with loads of jungle like trees, plants and flowers interspersed by walkways, open areas, air-con buildings and a swimming pool; You can always check it out at
www.osho.com (meditation resort)
- The main roads are hotbeds of hotrods and hotheads, choked with SUVs, tuk-tuks and two-wheelers striving to make their mark on the clock, the road and (sometimes) their foreheads since crash helmets are not required in cities (!). Calling it mayhem would hardly confer the insanity which prevails in even venturing near the roadside (the pavements being virtually unusable, let alone trying to cross it. The real killer though is the (perfectly acceptable) practice of driving or riding at the side of the road in the opposite direction to the traffic in the nearest lane ... just when I thought it was safe to walk at the side of the road, some bugger is coming the opposite way and expects me (walking) to move out into the traffic so he can nip behind me staying close to the relative safety of the kerb.
I have, on a few occasions, made the dubious decision to ride pillion on two wheelers (often driven by Italians (need I say more) - the men are crazy, the women are worse - I sit there hanging on grimley to anything that feels relatively fixed, considering that maybe this is what suicide feels like, not listening as the respective Italian enthiusiastically recounts stories of this and that (actually I have been to scared to ever listen so I dont know) in broken english with one hand forsaking the handlebars in order to give the story an unnecessary flourish, the other hand merely has a passing acquaintance (two fingers are just enough to keep the twist grip on full power, any excess fingers would reduce the excitement by bringing in an element of control). I am frozen whilst in wonderment at their power of longevity as we crash through another pothole, swerve around a large water buffalo with excessively long and threatening horns, and at this point I am tempted to remind them that whilst I have changed a lot in the past few months, I am not yet immortal!
_______________________________________________________________________
Interlude
From the reports the weather in UK actually seems to be getting a little warmer ( or less cold at least), although the amount of rain doesnt sound great. Here it is 40C during the day and 20C at night, so the fans are on all 24/7. Not that the temperature is the problem, the humidity is the killer, and it is getting to be unpleasent during the middle of the day - the only respite is air-con but then the suffering is double upon exit...
Unfortunately, as I head up north the first two places I am heading for, Udaipur and Jaipur, are even hotter - forecast 45 during the day and 30 at night!!! After that I head to the hills and cooler weather ... I hope.
_______________________________________________________________________
The most fun thing in the last month was a 3-day course on tantra - more about love, energy and breath than sex - but mingling amoungst (some) hot bodies is always beneficial; and delving into my own heart emotions by projecting onto my partner or using them as a mirror is very powerful and revealing - and maybe just a bit frightening.
And the main event has been 21 days of Mystic Rose ... I can see I will have to explain ... it may sound strange ... this is a meditation that consists of 7 days of laughing (at nothing), 7 days of crying and then 7 days of silence ... actually its not a whole day just 3 hours but the mood created inside does affect the whole day (and night). Laughing for 3 hours was really hard work cos it is non stop. Crying was extremely difficult, although it is getting in the state of mind and body that is more important than the tears themselves. Silence was a breeze! And so after that my emotions are swirling round in strange directions and will take a while to settle ... so I am heading off to a quiet place by a lake for a few days before doing a bit of travelling.
Yes after all these months, I finally have a plan which actually involves going somewhere! Starting with getting on a train and heading up north via the desert to the mountains where it should be a bit cooler; and leaving this place behind ... and I feel it really is time to leave ... I have been through so much here and existence is now pushing me elsewhere, somewhere quieter, less intense and reflective ... where I can look forward to the blossoming of new emotions...
You may of course think I am insane ... but where did being sane ever get me?? Or you??
Love and Hugs
Ankur
Tuesday, 11 April 2006
Where 38 - Pune (still), India --OR-- How to Have Everything You Want so long as You Want Nothing at All
Hiya
Thanks for all the emails warning me about being brainwashed at ashrams in India. I'm sure some of them were out of genuine concern, and the others were at least amusing.
I have spent most of the past month indulging myself in massages and the like - not intentionally of course, but it just happened that way ...
- Firstly, I went to th Ayuverdic doctor to try and fix my left knee which has been getting worse since I have been here (and is my excuse for not being able to kick a football with my left foot). I ended up having my whole body smothered in oil several times and then on numerous occasions my knee was swabbed firmly with boiling oil which was excruciatingly painful. At least my knee did get a lot better (back to where it was when I got here).
- Then a couple of times I had deep massage - the guy (who has been recommended to me by loads of people) found bits of me I didnt know could hurt but I floated off somewhere afterwards so it must have been good.
- Transomatic Dialogue - next I stumbled upon this, but still dont know what it means. It isn't massage but I got to lay on a table (clothes on though) and after revealing my deepest secrets to the therapist, she proceeded to talk to my body for an hour and a half - kindda weird but it went deep.
- And now finally I have decided to try Acupuncture (Tibetan style) and have needles stuck around my knee and all over the rest of me as well. Ive just started the course but I will let you know how it goes...
Just in case it seems like I am at a health farm, there are occasional reminders that I am in India, like:
Roads - Around here they love laying new roads. Unfortunately there is no overall plan and so when a road that has never been anything other than a dirt track gets tarmac'd, someone found they needed to dig a trench the whole way across within 2 days!
Language - It constantly amazes me how the locals can change languages several times in the same conversation apparently seamlessly between Hindi, Marati and English, and then back again without anyone batting an eyelid. Whether anyone really understands what is being said does not seem too important.
Pavements - these rare stretches of paradise are built around existing trees which is very enviromentally friendly (about the only thing here that is) but often to the point where the pavement is completely blocked by said tree and everyone has to walk in the road (not recommended due to ridiculous amount of traffic and standard of driving), although often there are less potholes in the road than on the (new) pavement!
Elephants walking along the road. It happens!
The diet is of course a vegatarian one (chancing eating meat here is an unnecessary risk I dont need to take) and the veg food is very good. Add to that the variety of ripe fruit available at very cheap prices and I find I am stuffing myself at every opportunity with fruit and veg and still eating more healthily than ever before. The only problem is that I'm struggling to take in enough calories, especially with the rising heat having a negative effect on everyone's appetites. So just to increase the sugar intake a few of us have started to have a weekly pig out at an unlimited thali place with loads of sweet stuff as well ... ah, the joys of Indian food... but I have definitely lost quite a few kgs since I got here.
And talking of looks, my hair is now long enough that it needs a direction to grow in other than simply outward!
____________________________________________________________________
Interlude
It is kindda strange that London is now getting over an hour more daylight than we are here but according to the BBC the temperature is attached by an elastic band to a point near freezing. Here I am just glad that it hasn't breached the 40C mark although it has been 38 or 39 most days for some time now. At least the humidity is relatively low, although that is starting to rise unstoppably in anticipation of the monsoon in June, by which time I will hopefully be back in the UK enjoying more friendly temperatures - mid 20s would be nice.
_____________________________________________________________________
And of course there are meditations - yes I am still getting up at 5.30am to jump around the inside of a marble clad pyramid although I only managed to do 26 days in a row this time as I was getting bored and wanted a few days rest. Better meditations include poi (swinging 2 small weights on strings around the head) - these can be alight but at the moment I am settling for the ones with brightly coloured scarves attached as being safer (when it all goes wrong) and better in daylight anyway; I'm not that good but for some reason a couple of people asked me to teach them, so I now teach it as well! And yes it might sound (an awful lot) like playing but this really is meditation - one of the major points of (eastern) meditation is to get out of the mind, and it really is impossible to think about what is happening to those weights at the end of the strings as they whizz round in funny patterns - so the mind just gives up ... trust me ...
And of course, Courses.
- All these courses that I have done have (eventually) brought up their share of confusion of the mind and body (emotionally) which is a bit weird at first cos it catches me unaware; suddenly, for no reason, I feel different.
- The main one this month was called 'Who is in?' which is an intensive 3 days where the first thing they do is take your watch away and then tell you to be on time, everytime. They also made us get up at 4.45am (although we had no idea what time it was) and eat boiled veg and tofu (yuk, yuk, yuk). And we were not allowed any salt and pepper either. If ever you need a reciepe for tastelessness then try tofu and diet dal.
So having got us all under their complete control 'they' sat me down opposite a partner who asked me the koan (Zen word for a riddle with no answer), 'Tell me, who is in?'; I looked inside myself and had to talk for 5 mins on how I felt (emotionally, sort of), on what was there. Then I asked my partner the same question and then 5 mins later I was asked the question again and so it went on for 3 days - I was asked 100 times and gave 100 different answers. The whole point is to bring up all these masks, personalities, egos, conditioning which are not me and discard them. Then what I am left with eventually is 'I'. And at the end of the second day I felt a different space inside me, that had been covered up by all the other rubbish - a space of contentment, beauty, happiness and bliss, and yet all so simple. Although I didn't recognise it at first I found that this was the 'I' I had been searching for!
And then I realised that I could have absolutely everything I wanted, so long as I wanted nothing!
And realising and understanding this is very powerful indeed.
Let me know if you get it!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
Thanks for all the emails warning me about being brainwashed at ashrams in India. I'm sure some of them were out of genuine concern, and the others were at least amusing.
I have spent most of the past month indulging myself in massages and the like - not intentionally of course, but it just happened that way ...
- Firstly, I went to th Ayuverdic doctor to try and fix my left knee which has been getting worse since I have been here (and is my excuse for not being able to kick a football with my left foot). I ended up having my whole body smothered in oil several times and then on numerous occasions my knee was swabbed firmly with boiling oil which was excruciatingly painful. At least my knee did get a lot better (back to where it was when I got here).
- Then a couple of times I had deep massage - the guy (who has been recommended to me by loads of people) found bits of me I didnt know could hurt but I floated off somewhere afterwards so it must have been good.
- Transomatic Dialogue - next I stumbled upon this, but still dont know what it means. It isn't massage but I got to lay on a table (clothes on though) and after revealing my deepest secrets to the therapist, she proceeded to talk to my body for an hour and a half - kindda weird but it went deep.
- And now finally I have decided to try Acupuncture (Tibetan style) and have needles stuck around my knee and all over the rest of me as well. Ive just started the course but I will let you know how it goes...
Just in case it seems like I am at a health farm, there are occasional reminders that I am in India, like:
Roads - Around here they love laying new roads. Unfortunately there is no overall plan and so when a road that has never been anything other than a dirt track gets tarmac'd, someone found they needed to dig a trench the whole way across within 2 days!
Language - It constantly amazes me how the locals can change languages several times in the same conversation apparently seamlessly between Hindi, Marati and English, and then back again without anyone batting an eyelid. Whether anyone really understands what is being said does not seem too important.
Pavements - these rare stretches of paradise are built around existing trees which is very enviromentally friendly (about the only thing here that is) but often to the point where the pavement is completely blocked by said tree and everyone has to walk in the road (not recommended due to ridiculous amount of traffic and standard of driving), although often there are less potholes in the road than on the (new) pavement!
Elephants walking along the road. It happens!
The diet is of course a vegatarian one (chancing eating meat here is an unnecessary risk I dont need to take) and the veg food is very good. Add to that the variety of ripe fruit available at very cheap prices and I find I am stuffing myself at every opportunity with fruit and veg and still eating more healthily than ever before. The only problem is that I'm struggling to take in enough calories, especially with the rising heat having a negative effect on everyone's appetites. So just to increase the sugar intake a few of us have started to have a weekly pig out at an unlimited thali place with loads of sweet stuff as well ... ah, the joys of Indian food... but I have definitely lost quite a few kgs since I got here.
And talking of looks, my hair is now long enough that it needs a direction to grow in other than simply outward!
____________________________________________________________________
Interlude
It is kindda strange that London is now getting over an hour more daylight than we are here but according to the BBC the temperature is attached by an elastic band to a point near freezing. Here I am just glad that it hasn't breached the 40C mark although it has been 38 or 39 most days for some time now. At least the humidity is relatively low, although that is starting to rise unstoppably in anticipation of the monsoon in June, by which time I will hopefully be back in the UK enjoying more friendly temperatures - mid 20s would be nice.
_____________________________________________________________________
And of course there are meditations - yes I am still getting up at 5.30am to jump around the inside of a marble clad pyramid although I only managed to do 26 days in a row this time as I was getting bored and wanted a few days rest. Better meditations include poi (swinging 2 small weights on strings around the head) - these can be alight but at the moment I am settling for the ones with brightly coloured scarves attached as being safer (when it all goes wrong) and better in daylight anyway; I'm not that good but for some reason a couple of people asked me to teach them, so I now teach it as well! And yes it might sound (an awful lot) like playing but this really is meditation - one of the major points of (eastern) meditation is to get out of the mind, and it really is impossible to think about what is happening to those weights at the end of the strings as they whizz round in funny patterns - so the mind just gives up ... trust me ...
And of course, Courses.
- All these courses that I have done have (eventually) brought up their share of confusion of the mind and body (emotionally) which is a bit weird at first cos it catches me unaware; suddenly, for no reason, I feel different.
- The main one this month was called 'Who is in?' which is an intensive 3 days where the first thing they do is take your watch away and then tell you to be on time, everytime. They also made us get up at 4.45am (although we had no idea what time it was) and eat boiled veg and tofu (yuk, yuk, yuk). And we were not allowed any salt and pepper either. If ever you need a reciepe for tastelessness then try tofu and diet dal.
So having got us all under their complete control 'they' sat me down opposite a partner who asked me the koan (Zen word for a riddle with no answer), 'Tell me, who is in?'; I looked inside myself and had to talk for 5 mins on how I felt (emotionally, sort of), on what was there. Then I asked my partner the same question and then 5 mins later I was asked the question again and so it went on for 3 days - I was asked 100 times and gave 100 different answers. The whole point is to bring up all these masks, personalities, egos, conditioning which are not me and discard them. Then what I am left with eventually is 'I'. And at the end of the second day I felt a different space inside me, that had been covered up by all the other rubbish - a space of contentment, beauty, happiness and bliss, and yet all so simple. Although I didn't recognise it at first I found that this was the 'I' I had been searching for!
And then I realised that I could have absolutely everything I wanted, so long as I wanted nothing!
And realising and understanding this is very powerful indeed.
Let me know if you get it!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
Wednesday, 15 March 2006
Where 37 - Pune, India --OR-- How to Live in Bliss - the Intellectual Answer
HI Everyone ...
... from the land of bombs and bird flu. Not that anyone asked, but if they had I would have been able to tell them that although I am close to the location of the confirmed cases of bird flu, I have not eaten eggs or chicken since I got here and am currently surrounding myself with cats and street dogs (easy here) to avoid any birdfowl coming close. And I have been some distance from the bombs which have killed quite a few locals (but no tourists) so far.
I have been in India 2 months now and have got used to the little intricacies of life here:
- the constant power cuts which happen several times during the day, and are of indeterminent length - the only reliable thing is that they DO happen every day.
- yesterday I ate at an italian restaurant for a change from the usual curry, and they gave me a knife and fork! I thought they only had spoons in India? I havent used a knife and fork for 2 months and could barely remember how to use them - mind you eating pizza with a spoon could also be tricky.
- Festival - today was the Hindu festival of Holi which involves half the population (i.e. half a billion) roaming the streets armed with copious amounts of coloured powder and paint to throw at the other half a Billion. As you can imagine the result is an enormous unholi(!) but xtremely colourful mess. Luckily, I have avoided being coloured to death (so far) although the road is a mosaic testimony to the heavyweight encounters that have taken place, and many of the locals shimmer like rainbows.
In the past month I have managed to find a bit of time to relax, that is when I have not been beating myself up on some course or other. Last post (a month ago) I was part way through a Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course ... thankfully now completed. But first a few things I forgot to mention last time.
Vipassana (10 day course)
It only took 20 hours for me to learn to drive a bus to carry and look after 50 people - it took 100 hours to learn Vipassana meditation to look after just me. Efficient it is not - but effective? Well, maybe it allowed me to experience a new level of ... just living!
Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course
I was told by the facilitator that the first thing I had to do (before the course started) was find someone to do my laundry for the first 12 days of the course when we were in isolation! I was horrified - I had just arrived, I hadn't even met anyone yet; Imagine having to go up to someone you have never met before and ask them to do your laundry for 12 days. Now that is a test (of what I don't know), but I had to do it, so I did. Hopefully never again!
As part of the course I had to carry around a large blue bunny rabbit (covered with pink hearts) for 10 days (his name was Blue Bunny and he has magic ears so he can fly!). He had to go everywhere I went: sit next to me in the meditations and at mealtimes and in bed. We must have got some funny looks wandering around like that - but we weren't allowed to make eye contact with anyone so thankfully I never saw any of it!
Part II of this course was 8 days spent examining our adolesence; Strict committment to secrecy prevents me from revealing what we did on this part of the course (and you wouldn't believe me anyway) suffice to say that it was examined in depth and at some length (but it did involve a lot of chocolate!).
And finally, Part III which was 3 days of silent meditation - and that was the end of the course, a massive 28 days after it started (inc breaks) - and it did seem like a lifetime!
And at last I get to have a lay-in - well deserved I feel after a record (for me) 42 consecutive days of getting up at 4.15am or 5.30am. And you all thought I was having an easy life ...
Before I left the UK someone said to me that if they had 28 days they wouldnt spend them doing this. Yes, it is possible to look on this as 100% of your annual holiday entitlement being spent on a course, which lets face it, is not absolutly guaranteed to change your life; but if I live for, say, another 40 years, these days amount to is only 0.19% of the rest of my life - a bargain - especially compared to the 30% that will probably be spent sleeping!
_________________
Interlude
The Weather - It has been steadily getting hotter and hotter here (up to about 35C and down to 15C at night) without a cloud anywhere to be seen - and then suddenly it rains together with a huge lightening storm. At least the few days after were a little cooler (low 30's) and it made a change from all that blue sky stuff.
__________________
Other Stuff
- Three days spent in a police station...My ipod mp3 player was stolen which I had only bought 2 months before so I was really annoyed; then I spent most of the next 3 days in a police station trying and eventually suceeding to get a police report for the insurance. To say that it was bureaucratic is a slight understatement, and in the end I only got what I wanted because during one of my long vigils (meditations!?!) in the police station, the elder brother of one of the officers came in and I got talking to him - then he had a brief work with his younger brother and suddenly the police report (which I had to write myself anyway) became a slight priority and they stamped and signed it which took them all of about 10 seconds - after 3 days of waiting! Bloody Hell! People have committed murder, been arrested, tried, found guilty, executed and reincarnated in less time that it took me to get a signature on a piece of paper!!!
I have now come to terms with the loss seeing this theft as a gift of a beautiful opportunity to indulge in reading books and talking to people rather than encasing myself in artificial world of sound (I bet the person who stole it wasn't thinking that though).
- Escape!
After getting that bit of paper from the police, I was finally able to escape the intensity of the ashram and leave the energy of the course behind - and go to another ashram(!), but this one was on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake with unbelieveable sunsets ... and I was virtually the only person there - now that is bliss. And I needed it more than I could have imagined, I went for 3 days and stayed 9 before I felt I was ready to come back and face the intensity of the ashram again. And all the stuff that came up in the course is still swirling round my body, mainly subconciously until it wants to escape and drain me of my energy.
- Who Am I?
Since glibbly asking this 2 months ago I have come to realise (OK so someone told me) that this is the only question worth asking. So (unintentionally) I started off on the right lines. Unfortunately this does not make answering the question any more easy. But at an intellectual level the answer is something like this:
- You are not the body, you are not the mind (or the ego). What you really are cannot be defined in words.
- The past is just a record of events, do not indulge in your sad life-story (just thinking about it leads to more sadness).
- The future is your vision but must be without craving or aversion or ego. - Be totally in the moment, with no thoughts.
- Totally accept what is happening in that moment (it is happening anyway - it already 'is'). And there you will find who you are!
Unfortunately, these words are not the answer, words are only signposts. So intellectual understanding is only a small step - the answer must be experienced. To get a start on that just sit there without any thoughts entering your head for a few minutes - not as easy as it sounds.
When I came to write this post I was convinced I had nothing of interest to write, and now you have experinced that too! But if you have made it this far ... you probably skipped the middle bit!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
... from the land of bombs and bird flu. Not that anyone asked, but if they had I would have been able to tell them that although I am close to the location of the confirmed cases of bird flu, I have not eaten eggs or chicken since I got here and am currently surrounding myself with cats and street dogs (easy here) to avoid any birdfowl coming close. And I have been some distance from the bombs which have killed quite a few locals (but no tourists) so far.
I have been in India 2 months now and have got used to the little intricacies of life here:
- the constant power cuts which happen several times during the day, and are of indeterminent length - the only reliable thing is that they DO happen every day.
- yesterday I ate at an italian restaurant for a change from the usual curry, and they gave me a knife and fork! I thought they only had spoons in India? I havent used a knife and fork for 2 months and could barely remember how to use them - mind you eating pizza with a spoon could also be tricky.
- Festival - today was the Hindu festival of Holi which involves half the population (i.e. half a billion) roaming the streets armed with copious amounts of coloured powder and paint to throw at the other half a Billion. As you can imagine the result is an enormous unholi(!) but xtremely colourful mess. Luckily, I have avoided being coloured to death (so far) although the road is a mosaic testimony to the heavyweight encounters that have taken place, and many of the locals shimmer like rainbows.
In the past month I have managed to find a bit of time to relax, that is when I have not been beating myself up on some course or other. Last post (a month ago) I was part way through a Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course ... thankfully now completed. But first a few things I forgot to mention last time.
Vipassana (10 day course)
It only took 20 hours for me to learn to drive a bus to carry and look after 50 people - it took 100 hours to learn Vipassana meditation to look after just me. Efficient it is not - but effective? Well, maybe it allowed me to experience a new level of ... just living!
Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course
I was told by the facilitator that the first thing I had to do (before the course started) was find someone to do my laundry for the first 12 days of the course when we were in isolation! I was horrified - I had just arrived, I hadn't even met anyone yet; Imagine having to go up to someone you have never met before and ask them to do your laundry for 12 days. Now that is a test (of what I don't know), but I had to do it, so I did. Hopefully never again!
As part of the course I had to carry around a large blue bunny rabbit (covered with pink hearts) for 10 days (his name was Blue Bunny and he has magic ears so he can fly!). He had to go everywhere I went: sit next to me in the meditations and at mealtimes and in bed. We must have got some funny looks wandering around like that - but we weren't allowed to make eye contact with anyone so thankfully I never saw any of it!
Part II of this course was 8 days spent examining our adolesence; Strict committment to secrecy prevents me from revealing what we did on this part of the course (and you wouldn't believe me anyway) suffice to say that it was examined in depth and at some length (but it did involve a lot of chocolate!).
And finally, Part III which was 3 days of silent meditation - and that was the end of the course, a massive 28 days after it started (inc breaks) - and it did seem like a lifetime!
And at last I get to have a lay-in - well deserved I feel after a record (for me) 42 consecutive days of getting up at 4.15am or 5.30am. And you all thought I was having an easy life ...
Before I left the UK someone said to me that if they had 28 days they wouldnt spend them doing this. Yes, it is possible to look on this as 100% of your annual holiday entitlement being spent on a course, which lets face it, is not absolutly guaranteed to change your life; but if I live for, say, another 40 years, these days amount to is only 0.19% of the rest of my life - a bargain - especially compared to the 30% that will probably be spent sleeping!
_________________
Interlude
The Weather - It has been steadily getting hotter and hotter here (up to about 35C and down to 15C at night) without a cloud anywhere to be seen - and then suddenly it rains together with a huge lightening storm. At least the few days after were a little cooler (low 30's) and it made a change from all that blue sky stuff.
__________________
Other Stuff
- Three days spent in a police station...My ipod mp3 player was stolen which I had only bought 2 months before so I was really annoyed; then I spent most of the next 3 days in a police station trying and eventually suceeding to get a police report for the insurance. To say that it was bureaucratic is a slight understatement, and in the end I only got what I wanted because during one of my long vigils (meditations!?!) in the police station, the elder brother of one of the officers came in and I got talking to him - then he had a brief work with his younger brother and suddenly the police report (which I had to write myself anyway) became a slight priority and they stamped and signed it which took them all of about 10 seconds - after 3 days of waiting! Bloody Hell! People have committed murder, been arrested, tried, found guilty, executed and reincarnated in less time that it took me to get a signature on a piece of paper!!!
I have now come to terms with the loss seeing this theft as a gift of a beautiful opportunity to indulge in reading books and talking to people rather than encasing myself in artificial world of sound (I bet the person who stole it wasn't thinking that though).
- Escape!
After getting that bit of paper from the police, I was finally able to escape the intensity of the ashram and leave the energy of the course behind - and go to another ashram(!), but this one was on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake with unbelieveable sunsets ... and I was virtually the only person there - now that is bliss. And I needed it more than I could have imagined, I went for 3 days and stayed 9 before I felt I was ready to come back and face the intensity of the ashram again. And all the stuff that came up in the course is still swirling round my body, mainly subconciously until it wants to escape and drain me of my energy.
- Who Am I?
Since glibbly asking this 2 months ago I have come to realise (OK so someone told me) that this is the only question worth asking. So (unintentionally) I started off on the right lines. Unfortunately this does not make answering the question any more easy. But at an intellectual level the answer is something like this:
- You are not the body, you are not the mind (or the ego). What you really are cannot be defined in words.
- The past is just a record of events, do not indulge in your sad life-story (just thinking about it leads to more sadness).
- The future is your vision but must be without craving or aversion or ego. - Be totally in the moment, with no thoughts.
- Totally accept what is happening in that moment (it is happening anyway - it already 'is'). And there you will find who you are!
Unfortunately, these words are not the answer, words are only signposts. So intellectual understanding is only a small step - the answer must be experienced. To get a start on that just sit there without any thoughts entering your head for a few minutes - not as easy as it sounds.
When I came to write this post I was convinced I had nothing of interest to write, and now you have experinced that too! But if you have made it this far ... you probably skipped the middle bit!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
Sunday, 12 February 2006
Where 36 - Pune, India --OR-- The Path to Bliss and Emptiness via Meditation and Pain
HI
I have been in India for a month now and what a time it has been. I have spent most of it in isolation, not allowed to talk to anyone in 2 stretches of 10 days and 12 days each. It has been a journey, nay, an adventure, albeit of a different sort to the type I usually end up having, but I am all the better for it. The bad news is that I have spent a tonne of money and tomorrow start another 8 days of intensive course, a break of 2 days then a final 3 days. Then I really will need a holiday!!
So back to the beginning:
Arrived in Mumbai (Bombay) with the aim this trip of gaining some inner peace and happiness - simple enough goals, perhaps?
Firstly, I went to Pune Riverside Vipassana Centre for a 10 day course. Vipassana is an ancient form of meditation as used by the Buddha to gain enlightenment 2,500 years ago (from where Buddhism comes). This pure form was preserved only in Burma and in the past 40 years has spread around the world. Meditation in the west is often seen as a means of relaxation and concentration, giving the mind 'space', but its real purpose is change and there is no change as great in a person as the path to enlightenment - not that I even want to try and follow it too closely, at least not now, but there are many benefits to be gained along that path such as knowing who I really am, or having a better idea at least.
So I end up with 30 guys and 20 women (nearly all local Indians) and in strict segregation, silence etc for 10 days. The timetable was:
4am Get up
4.30 2 hours meditation
6.30 Breakfast
8 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
9 2 hour meditation
11 lunch
1pm 1.5 hour meditation
2.30 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
3.30 1.5 hour meditation
5pm Snack (cross between large rice krispies and Bombay mix, a banana and milk)
6pm Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
7pm Video discourse
8.30 Half hour meditation
9pm Finish
9.30 lights out
So about 10 hours of meditation plus 1.5 hour video. And this was Hardcore! Not the silence cos everyone around was in silence as well, so no problem. Not even the food regime of virtually nothing after midday, was that tough: surprisingly I could survive on just Bombay Rice Krispies, banana and milk for 19 hours. It was the sitting there for 10-hours a day, day after day, that was 'hell'. Sitting there very still conentrating on breath for first 3 days, and then on sensations all over the body. Emotionally it was nothing. Physically the first 4 days were excruiating. Mentally the process was like smashing my head against a brick wall time after time. Insanity is too small a word for it. And at the end of 10 days I was told if I did this for 2 hours a day for the rest of my life I would benefit greatly! Thanks, have you nothing that works a little faster?
On the 3rd day, when i was really struggling with it all, I did have a moment; something inside me clicked and I suddenly broke into my broadest smile ever - a piece of inner happiness had escaped from my repressed core and stirred my soul. Fantastic! But that was the only such moment.
So after 10-days we left (there was a board with the no. of the day it was, otherwise I would have had no clue at all - one day was exactly, to the detail, the same as the one before and the one after!) - and I wondered what the point was as I didnt feel any different to the day I arrived (exept for being thankful that it was over). We all crammed on a public bus which was full before we all got on - I managed to sit on my luggage in the aisle, desperately hanging on as we crashed over the bumps, dust being thrust through the floor into my face - the usual Indian hell. And then I finally got it! This wasn't torture at all it was bliss! No matter what the external factors it was what was going on inside that counted. I felt great. Alive. Happy. And no ordinary crap was gonna stop me feeling that way.
--------Interlude--------
Cos I'm English I have to mention the weather!
The mornings are bloody freezing her - well not quite but it has been down to 5 C on a couple of mornings. but by 9am it is warm, and 1pm roasting in the sun. And there is sun - one morning a few weeks ago I saw a couple of small clouds in the distance - they have been the only ones this month.
--------End of interlude-------
I didnt know then, that what I had done so far was just the easy bit! Because, before I really had time to understand the effets of the 10-day vipassana, I was in a different part of Pune at Osho meditation centre - for meditation of a much different style - active, fun and relaxing. Not that I went there for that, cos 3 days after I got there, there was a course starting: Fresh Beginnings for a New Life. So far I have just done the first 12 days, there is a 3 day break and then a further eight days, a break of two days and 3 more days to integrate all the changes. Yes this place is all about change in a big way. The 12 days i have just finished was all primal work - digging up the conditioning put on us by mum and dad in the first 7 years of our lives. And there was plenty of it. Now this really is hardcore (oh so maybe the Vipassana was easy?). The 16 of us were told what to do every minute of the 12 days. We all slept in a communal room for 6 hours a night - they kept us busy every night til 11.30pm and we had to get up at 5.30am (almost a lie in after the 4am of vipassana) for 1 hour Dynamic meditation (exhausting). Throughout the day we were in an underground room with padded walls and we all had to bear our soles like we never thought possible before. Suffice to say that those 15 people and 9 helpers/teachers in the room know more about me now then anyone else on the planet - holding back was not an option - it was blood (not much), sweat (loads) and tears (plenty) all the way. This was mainly emotional pain, but often a lot of physical pain had to be gone through to release it. Silence was more difficult because there was a massive energy within the group and at meal times people around us (not on the course) were talking. We were on a speial diet of no sugar/honey (or anything with sugar in), no tea, no coffee, no alcohol, no drugs, very limited dairy and loads of other rules. F***! It was hard.
My summary:
Primal work is like committing open heart sugery on yourself (without an anesthetic) - it is more painful than you could imagine, but gives you the chance of freedom in a new life.
And that is where I am now. Empty. Simply Empty.
All that supression and supressed emotion of my whole life has been forced out. All my emotional defences went with them. I am vulnerable. A bit scared. Cautious, because any emotional event, however small can fill me with anger, sadness, joy or love - and life in india is full of all of these all of the time. Luckily the support is there, there are people around me who are wonderful, there are a few who spread a different energy - this is a time to choose who I spend my time with very carefully. And I am no longer controlled by all the parental rules which I had stored in my head for all these years and truly thought were my own values. This really is a fresh beginning. Now I am me, I have so many choices about were to go and what to do next. And this was just the first part of the course - the second part starts tomorrow...
But am I scared?
Yep!
More soon!
Love and Hugs
Ankur/Pete
I have been in India for a month now and what a time it has been. I have spent most of it in isolation, not allowed to talk to anyone in 2 stretches of 10 days and 12 days each. It has been a journey, nay, an adventure, albeit of a different sort to the type I usually end up having, but I am all the better for it. The bad news is that I have spent a tonne of money and tomorrow start another 8 days of intensive course, a break of 2 days then a final 3 days. Then I really will need a holiday!!
So back to the beginning:
Arrived in Mumbai (Bombay) with the aim this trip of gaining some inner peace and happiness - simple enough goals, perhaps?
Firstly, I went to Pune Riverside Vipassana Centre for a 10 day course. Vipassana is an ancient form of meditation as used by the Buddha to gain enlightenment 2,500 years ago (from where Buddhism comes). This pure form was preserved only in Burma and in the past 40 years has spread around the world. Meditation in the west is often seen as a means of relaxation and concentration, giving the mind 'space', but its real purpose is change and there is no change as great in a person as the path to enlightenment - not that I even want to try and follow it too closely, at least not now, but there are many benefits to be gained along that path such as knowing who I really am, or having a better idea at least.
So I end up with 30 guys and 20 women (nearly all local Indians) and in strict segregation, silence etc for 10 days. The timetable was:
4am Get up
4.30 2 hours meditation
6.30 Breakfast
8 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
9 2 hour meditation
11 lunch
1pm 1.5 hour meditation
2.30 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
3.30 1.5 hour meditation
5pm Snack (cross between large rice krispies and Bombay mix, a banana and milk)
6pm Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
7pm Video discourse
8.30 Half hour meditation
9pm Finish
9.30 lights out
So about 10 hours of meditation plus 1.5 hour video. And this was Hardcore! Not the silence cos everyone around was in silence as well, so no problem. Not even the food regime of virtually nothing after midday, was that tough: surprisingly I could survive on just Bombay Rice Krispies, banana and milk for 19 hours. It was the sitting there for 10-hours a day, day after day, that was 'hell'. Sitting there very still conentrating on breath for first 3 days, and then on sensations all over the body. Emotionally it was nothing. Physically the first 4 days were excruiating. Mentally the process was like smashing my head against a brick wall time after time. Insanity is too small a word for it. And at the end of 10 days I was told if I did this for 2 hours a day for the rest of my life I would benefit greatly! Thanks, have you nothing that works a little faster?
On the 3rd day, when i was really struggling with it all, I did have a moment; something inside me clicked and I suddenly broke into my broadest smile ever - a piece of inner happiness had escaped from my repressed core and stirred my soul. Fantastic! But that was the only such moment.
So after 10-days we left (there was a board with the no. of the day it was, otherwise I would have had no clue at all - one day was exactly, to the detail, the same as the one before and the one after!) - and I wondered what the point was as I didnt feel any different to the day I arrived (exept for being thankful that it was over). We all crammed on a public bus which was full before we all got on - I managed to sit on my luggage in the aisle, desperately hanging on as we crashed over the bumps, dust being thrust through the floor into my face - the usual Indian hell. And then I finally got it! This wasn't torture at all it was bliss! No matter what the external factors it was what was going on inside that counted. I felt great. Alive. Happy. And no ordinary crap was gonna stop me feeling that way.
--------Interlude--------
Cos I'm English I have to mention the weather!
The mornings are bloody freezing her - well not quite but it has been down to 5 C on a couple of mornings. but by 9am it is warm, and 1pm roasting in the sun. And there is sun - one morning a few weeks ago I saw a couple of small clouds in the distance - they have been the only ones this month.
--------End of interlude-------
I didnt know then, that what I had done so far was just the easy bit! Because, before I really had time to understand the effets of the 10-day vipassana, I was in a different part of Pune at Osho meditation centre - for meditation of a much different style - active, fun and relaxing. Not that I went there for that, cos 3 days after I got there, there was a course starting: Fresh Beginnings for a New Life. So far I have just done the first 12 days, there is a 3 day break and then a further eight days, a break of two days and 3 more days to integrate all the changes. Yes this place is all about change in a big way. The 12 days i have just finished was all primal work - digging up the conditioning put on us by mum and dad in the first 7 years of our lives. And there was plenty of it. Now this really is hardcore (oh so maybe the Vipassana was easy?). The 16 of us were told what to do every minute of the 12 days. We all slept in a communal room for 6 hours a night - they kept us busy every night til 11.30pm and we had to get up at 5.30am (almost a lie in after the 4am of vipassana) for 1 hour Dynamic meditation (exhausting). Throughout the day we were in an underground room with padded walls and we all had to bear our soles like we never thought possible before. Suffice to say that those 15 people and 9 helpers/teachers in the room know more about me now then anyone else on the planet - holding back was not an option - it was blood (not much), sweat (loads) and tears (plenty) all the way. This was mainly emotional pain, but often a lot of physical pain had to be gone through to release it. Silence was more difficult because there was a massive energy within the group and at meal times people around us (not on the course) were talking. We were on a speial diet of no sugar/honey (or anything with sugar in), no tea, no coffee, no alcohol, no drugs, very limited dairy and loads of other rules. F***! It was hard.
My summary:
Primal work is like committing open heart sugery on yourself (without an anesthetic) - it is more painful than you could imagine, but gives you the chance of freedom in a new life.
And that is where I am now. Empty. Simply Empty.
All that supression and supressed emotion of my whole life has been forced out. All my emotional defences went with them. I am vulnerable. A bit scared. Cautious, because any emotional event, however small can fill me with anger, sadness, joy or love - and life in india is full of all of these all of the time. Luckily the support is there, there are people around me who are wonderful, there are a few who spread a different energy - this is a time to choose who I spend my time with very carefully. And I am no longer controlled by all the parental rules which I had stored in my head for all these years and truly thought were my own values. This really is a fresh beginning. Now I am me, I have so many choices about were to go and what to do next. And this was just the first part of the course - the second part starts tomorrow...
But am I scared?
Yep!
More soon!
Love and Hugs
Ankur/Pete
Saturday, 19 February 2005
Where 31 - Delhi, India --OR-- How I Found Out Who I Am in an Underground Padded Room
HI Everyone,
Seems ages since I was in Goa dodging the waves - since then I have spent a month at an ashram followed by a couple of weeks rushing around.
Firstly, the Osho Ashram in Pune (actually it is now called the Osho International Meditation Resort so they can charge loads of cash for meditating there [ashrams are normally funded by donation only]). I was only intending to go for a few days but ... ended up staying a month - you know what it's like when you find somewhere that it so not like real life (or real travelling), it is not only easy to stay, it is frightening just thinking about having to face the outside world again, let alone actually doing it. Some people I met there are still too scared to come out, and a months stay may seem like a long time, but it hardly made me a long term inmate by Osho standards.
If you think meditation is about sitting silently in a room with loads of other people also sitting silently in a room then think again. OK, so some of it did involve sitting silently in a room with loads of other people also sitting silently in a room (the quality of this silence was something else, if you made a sound or coughed you were swiftly thrown out (quietly of course) by the neo nazi guards), but most of the meditations were dynamic, meaning you have to move and make sounds and stuff like that. In the 6am Dynamic Meditation we were encouraged to make as much noise as possible for 10 mins; and immediately after was 10 mins of jumping up and down continuously - call it circuit training if you like!
What kept me there really were the courses - I did two 3-days and one 5-day course - mainly looking at how my childhood conditioning affects me now (yes it is all to do with the people called parents) and how I can change back into who I was supposed to be and not the stranger I had become. The 5-day one was a bit tough as we (30 of us) were in total silence outside the group room for thefirst 4.5 days. I had to get up at 5.30am, and didnt get back to my room until 11.30pm - and then had to do homework! So there wasn't much time for sleep ...
Sharing all those emotionally intimate experiences in an underground padded room with 30 people I didn't know, and wasn't allowed to speak to, was kind of weird but very powerful; then after 5 days when we talked I realised I had 30 intimate friends who I didn't know a thing about - and none of us could think where to start. But when we did get it together it was like having a whole new family of friends, wonderful!
So after a month of what approximates to an exorcism of my past, I turned out to be a completely new person (perhaps a slight exaggeration), although whether I changed back the moment I stepped back into the street I'm not yet sure. Anyway to celebrate being this new person (however briefly) I had my head shaved (OK so that was years ago) and have a new name, Ankur (I'm sure I have been called something similar to that before anyway). Whether this is a final step or just a first step I'm not really sure, but it is a step...
So having gritted my teeth and with one eye on my visas' expiry dates, I left for more orthodox 'adventures' - up north to Rajasthan and into the desert:
Jodhpur (which really did give its name to a pair of trousers) - A huge fort, perched on an enormous slab of rock dominates this town, nearly all of which is painted blue (they reckon it helps keep the mossies away, but what mossies would be doing in the desert I have no idea). And apart from (What have the Romans ever done for us?)the very inpressive fort, the lovely (and cheap) food, superb lassis (note for Scottish people - these are yogurt drinks, not girls), the clock tower, full on sun, views across the town from rooftop restaurants and vibrant markets (there is no aqueduct here), what has this place got that is worth coming here for? Nothing!
The fort was founded in 1459, in was gradually expanded by various rulers, and despite having faced many attacks and sieges was never taken - when I stood at the top of the 125m high rock but still at the bottom of the huge walls I understood why.
Jaisalmer - further into the desert, out of which a walled city rises in defiance of everything that surrounds it (which is nothing except rock and sand, but the thought was there). Started in 1156, inside is a beautifully quaint whole town where even quainter people still live with quaint cramped houses, temples so squashed (and quaint) that they literally merge into one another, quaint narrow winding alleys ... and of course, being India, fat cows, shit excreted by all manner of mammals, an abundance of rubbish and nutcases on motor cycles.
- So I escaped into the desert on a camel for 3 days (with 7 other travellers and 4 guides/cooks/camel herders). Unfortunately ... after being driven by jeep an hour into the desert, when I tried to get on my sitting down camel for the first time, I had half a leg across the 'saddle' and it decided to get up and I only narrowly avoided castration but did lose half a fingernail in the process (a fortunate trade off perhaps), then opening my daysac (to mend my finger), I found I had lost my waterbottle, and then once I did get on my beast, my stirrups (which were only pieces of string) broke. So I rode off into the desert without water, stirrups and with only 9.5 fingernails. I felt that at least one of these was probably not a good idea!
- I didn't like the camel too much after that (it was lazy and always at the back as well) so later I managed to change to the one that was always at the front and was by far the biggest, a magnificent beast and quite well behaved, although he did keep trying to attract the females by blowing up cabbage sized pink sacks from his mouth which drooped (unattactively, need I add) over his bottom lip. Camels mouths are incredible, looking into one is revolting - a kalidascope of geen, red, purple and blue slime resides there - with teeth as twisted and colourful as Bugs Bunny's 85-year-old grandma who had been a heavy smoker (of Camels?) all her life.
- One thing that no-one advises you to take into the desert is wet weather gear, so I didn't. And yes it did rain - luckily only briefly. I do now know the difference between rain and camel spit, and this was definitely rain.
- The desert is not empty - if you have ever wondered where peacocks live, they live (at least some of them do) in this, The Great Thar Desert (Todays useless fact : peacocks are India's national bird). Mainly they walk everywhere although a few did fly briefly, probably just for our entertainment, but we didn't stop to find out why - we got away quick in case they came and hassled us for 'rupees' or 'school pen' - it is like that in India.
- Back inside the walled city the 7 Jain temples with a total of only 3 entrances betweenn them(merged remember) contained a maze of stunning 3D carvings - I could try and describe them but would probably fail and anyway you probably would get bored or have work to do, or most likely, both (and no karma sutra ones this time) - suffice to say they are probably the best I have ever seen for detail and condition given the age (12th - 15th century) - yes even better than Bantrey Srei at Angkor in Cambodia.
Bikaner - Then onto the most shit filled streets I have ever walked (and there is some pretty stiff competition in India). And it rained really heavily during the night and flooded the streets. And I was wearing open toed sandels. Liquid cow shit - and I just had to walk through it - not just for fun, but there simply was no other way to get from room to breakfast.
- This was not the main attraction of going there however. Even worse was 'The Rat Temple!!'. This is a temple filled with rats. They are not just tolerted but actually fed, watered and worshipped, no-one knows how many there are but one guy who worked there (over)estimated 60,000 - they only count the white rats which are considered lucky if you see one - there are 11, I saw 3 (or the same one 3 times).
So just relax and imagine going into this temple barefoot.
Rats are running around everywhere.
And these are not nice, specially bred rats; these are the degenerates of the rat world: scrawny, scabby, brown rats varying from mouse size (presumably younger ones) to the size of, well..., a well-fed rat.
So you are standing there, and just watching hundreds of them crowding round the food only a metre away makes your blood curdle.
You stand close enough to have your photo taken with them, and even crouch down to make it look like you are really pally with them; you may be thinking 'JUST DON'T ... come any closer'.
Then they run really close to you and you may think 'I'm OK'; breathe deeply, 'I'm bigger than them, they're not going to attack me or anything'.
And then they come right up to you, the scabs on them screaming 'I'm a scabby rat' at you. Then they nibble your toes ... Urrrgg ... and you try not to scream.
Then they run over your foot ... and you try and remember how honoured you are to have this happen to you.
Then they run up your leg!
F**K OFF ME!
It was just like that - and yes I do have the pictues to prove it!
- Agra - Couldn't leave India without seeing the Taj Mahal (completed in 1653 so fairly old). Got up an hour before first light to see it wake up. It is spectacular as it changes its hue in the early light, a wonderful testament to a man's love for a women and what happens when the King has too much money to waste. The best views are from a distance; I immersed myself in its shape, its form, its colours and its beauty - it makes an impact. But the closer I got the less interesting it was. Then I got too close and realised that apart from a few bits of intricate inlaid stones, it is just huge slabs of marble; just a building and not an overly interesting one at that.
And nearby there is a fantastic Red Fort made out of red sandstone, and adorned with white marble palaces - all built by the same people who built the Taj Mahal.
Delhi
Onto the capital, just for a couple of days. I expected this to be a modern westernised place, and some of it is. But it also boasts roads covered in muck (those cows again) and traffic jams of cycle rickshaws (a really slow but pleasant way to travel if you can stand the pollution). It also has a red fort (made of red sandstone!) which isn't a patch on the one at Agra, and India's largest mosque (completed in 1658) which can hold 25,000 people. Surrounding this mosque are streets of butchers shops, something of a surprise in India - the muslims eat stacks of meat, and judging by the displays of the shops, goat's heads are a speciality. Strangely there were no cows wandering the streets near here - wonder what happened to them?
So after 3 months I am nearly finished in India - just up to the Golden Temple at Amritsar and then over the border to Pakistan. I feel like I am heading home - well at least I am heading NW which is pretty much the right direction - may take a few months to get back but the food might be better than if I went by 'plane.
- Incidentaly I have been travelling nearly 5 months in Nepal and India, eating fantastic food and haven't been ill once. I will regret writing that sometime soon!
- I was tying to think how to sum up India in a few words or a picture. After careful(?) thought it would have to be a picture of a man pissing up against the wall of the Taj Mahal!
India is the best and the worst of everything expertly blended together.
So what is happening with you ... ?
Home soon(?)
Love
Ankur/Pete
Seems ages since I was in Goa dodging the waves - since then I have spent a month at an ashram followed by a couple of weeks rushing around.
Firstly, the Osho Ashram in Pune (actually it is now called the Osho International Meditation Resort so they can charge loads of cash for meditating there [ashrams are normally funded by donation only]). I was only intending to go for a few days but ... ended up staying a month - you know what it's like when you find somewhere that it so not like real life (or real travelling), it is not only easy to stay, it is frightening just thinking about having to face the outside world again, let alone actually doing it. Some people I met there are still too scared to come out, and a months stay may seem like a long time, but it hardly made me a long term inmate by Osho standards.
If you think meditation is about sitting silently in a room with loads of other people also sitting silently in a room then think again. OK, so some of it did involve sitting silently in a room with loads of other people also sitting silently in a room (the quality of this silence was something else, if you made a sound or coughed you were swiftly thrown out (quietly of course) by the neo nazi guards), but most of the meditations were dynamic, meaning you have to move and make sounds and stuff like that. In the 6am Dynamic Meditation we were encouraged to make as much noise as possible for 10 mins; and immediately after was 10 mins of jumping up and down continuously - call it circuit training if you like!
What kept me there really were the courses - I did two 3-days and one 5-day course - mainly looking at how my childhood conditioning affects me now (yes it is all to do with the people called parents) and how I can change back into who I was supposed to be and not the stranger I had become. The 5-day one was a bit tough as we (30 of us) were in total silence outside the group room for thefirst 4.5 days. I had to get up at 5.30am, and didnt get back to my room until 11.30pm - and then had to do homework! So there wasn't much time for sleep ...
Sharing all those emotionally intimate experiences in an underground padded room with 30 people I didn't know, and wasn't allowed to speak to, was kind of weird but very powerful; then after 5 days when we talked I realised I had 30 intimate friends who I didn't know a thing about - and none of us could think where to start. But when we did get it together it was like having a whole new family of friends, wonderful!
So after a month of what approximates to an exorcism of my past, I turned out to be a completely new person (perhaps a slight exaggeration), although whether I changed back the moment I stepped back into the street I'm not yet sure. Anyway to celebrate being this new person (however briefly) I had my head shaved (OK so that was years ago) and have a new name, Ankur (I'm sure I have been called something similar to that before anyway). Whether this is a final step or just a first step I'm not really sure, but it is a step...
So having gritted my teeth and with one eye on my visas' expiry dates, I left for more orthodox 'adventures' - up north to Rajasthan and into the desert:
Jodhpur (which really did give its name to a pair of trousers) - A huge fort, perched on an enormous slab of rock dominates this town, nearly all of which is painted blue (they reckon it helps keep the mossies away, but what mossies would be doing in the desert I have no idea). And apart from (What have the Romans ever done for us?)the very inpressive fort, the lovely (and cheap) food, superb lassis (note for Scottish people - these are yogurt drinks, not girls), the clock tower, full on sun, views across the town from rooftop restaurants and vibrant markets (there is no aqueduct here), what has this place got that is worth coming here for? Nothing!
The fort was founded in 1459, in was gradually expanded by various rulers, and despite having faced many attacks and sieges was never taken - when I stood at the top of the 125m high rock but still at the bottom of the huge walls I understood why.
Jaisalmer - further into the desert, out of which a walled city rises in defiance of everything that surrounds it (which is nothing except rock and sand, but the thought was there). Started in 1156, inside is a beautifully quaint whole town where even quainter people still live with quaint cramped houses, temples so squashed (and quaint) that they literally merge into one another, quaint narrow winding alleys ... and of course, being India, fat cows, shit excreted by all manner of mammals, an abundance of rubbish and nutcases on motor cycles.
- So I escaped into the desert on a camel for 3 days (with 7 other travellers and 4 guides/cooks/camel herders). Unfortunately ... after being driven by jeep an hour into the desert, when I tried to get on my sitting down camel for the first time, I had half a leg across the 'saddle' and it decided to get up and I only narrowly avoided castration but did lose half a fingernail in the process (a fortunate trade off perhaps), then opening my daysac (to mend my finger), I found I had lost my waterbottle, and then once I did get on my beast, my stirrups (which were only pieces of string) broke. So I rode off into the desert without water, stirrups and with only 9.5 fingernails. I felt that at least one of these was probably not a good idea!
- I didn't like the camel too much after that (it was lazy and always at the back as well) so later I managed to change to the one that was always at the front and was by far the biggest, a magnificent beast and quite well behaved, although he did keep trying to attract the females by blowing up cabbage sized pink sacks from his mouth which drooped (unattactively, need I add) over his bottom lip. Camels mouths are incredible, looking into one is revolting - a kalidascope of geen, red, purple and blue slime resides there - with teeth as twisted and colourful as Bugs Bunny's 85-year-old grandma who had been a heavy smoker (of Camels?) all her life.
- One thing that no-one advises you to take into the desert is wet weather gear, so I didn't. And yes it did rain - luckily only briefly. I do now know the difference between rain and camel spit, and this was definitely rain.
- The desert is not empty - if you have ever wondered where peacocks live, they live (at least some of them do) in this, The Great Thar Desert (Todays useless fact : peacocks are India's national bird). Mainly they walk everywhere although a few did fly briefly, probably just for our entertainment, but we didn't stop to find out why - we got away quick in case they came and hassled us for 'rupees' or 'school pen' - it is like that in India.
- Back inside the walled city the 7 Jain temples with a total of only 3 entrances betweenn them(merged remember) contained a maze of stunning 3D carvings - I could try and describe them but would probably fail and anyway you probably would get bored or have work to do, or most likely, both (and no karma sutra ones this time) - suffice to say they are probably the best I have ever seen for detail and condition given the age (12th - 15th century) - yes even better than Bantrey Srei at Angkor in Cambodia.
Bikaner - Then onto the most shit filled streets I have ever walked (and there is some pretty stiff competition in India). And it rained really heavily during the night and flooded the streets. And I was wearing open toed sandels. Liquid cow shit - and I just had to walk through it - not just for fun, but there simply was no other way to get from room to breakfast.
- This was not the main attraction of going there however. Even worse was 'The Rat Temple!!'. This is a temple filled with rats. They are not just tolerted but actually fed, watered and worshipped, no-one knows how many there are but one guy who worked there (over)estimated 60,000 - they only count the white rats which are considered lucky if you see one - there are 11, I saw 3 (or the same one 3 times).
So just relax and imagine going into this temple barefoot.
Rats are running around everywhere.
And these are not nice, specially bred rats; these are the degenerates of the rat world: scrawny, scabby, brown rats varying from mouse size (presumably younger ones) to the size of, well..., a well-fed rat.
So you are standing there, and just watching hundreds of them crowding round the food only a metre away makes your blood curdle.
You stand close enough to have your photo taken with them, and even crouch down to make it look like you are really pally with them; you may be thinking 'JUST DON'T ... come any closer'.
Then they run really close to you and you may think 'I'm OK'; breathe deeply, 'I'm bigger than them, they're not going to attack me or anything'.
And then they come right up to you, the scabs on them screaming 'I'm a scabby rat' at you. Then they nibble your toes ... Urrrgg ... and you try not to scream.
Then they run over your foot ... and you try and remember how honoured you are to have this happen to you.
Then they run up your leg!
F**K OFF ME!
It was just like that - and yes I do have the pictues to prove it!
- Agra - Couldn't leave India without seeing the Taj Mahal (completed in 1653 so fairly old). Got up an hour before first light to see it wake up. It is spectacular as it changes its hue in the early light, a wonderful testament to a man's love for a women and what happens when the King has too much money to waste. The best views are from a distance; I immersed myself in its shape, its form, its colours and its beauty - it makes an impact. But the closer I got the less interesting it was. Then I got too close and realised that apart from a few bits of intricate inlaid stones, it is just huge slabs of marble; just a building and not an overly interesting one at that.
And nearby there is a fantastic Red Fort made out of red sandstone, and adorned with white marble palaces - all built by the same people who built the Taj Mahal.
Delhi
Onto the capital, just for a couple of days. I expected this to be a modern westernised place, and some of it is. But it also boasts roads covered in muck (those cows again) and traffic jams of cycle rickshaws (a really slow but pleasant way to travel if you can stand the pollution). It also has a red fort (made of red sandstone!) which isn't a patch on the one at Agra, and India's largest mosque (completed in 1658) which can hold 25,000 people. Surrounding this mosque are streets of butchers shops, something of a surprise in India - the muslims eat stacks of meat, and judging by the displays of the shops, goat's heads are a speciality. Strangely there were no cows wandering the streets near here - wonder what happened to them?
So after 3 months I am nearly finished in India - just up to the Golden Temple at Amritsar and then over the border to Pakistan. I feel like I am heading home - well at least I am heading NW which is pretty much the right direction - may take a few months to get back but the food might be better than if I went by 'plane.
- Incidentaly I have been travelling nearly 5 months in Nepal and India, eating fantastic food and haven't been ill once. I will regret writing that sometime soon!
- I was tying to think how to sum up India in a few words or a picture. After careful(?) thought it would have to be a picture of a man pissing up against the wall of the Taj Mahal!
India is the best and the worst of everything expertly blended together.
So what is happening with you ... ?
Home soon(?)
Love
Ankur/Pete
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