Hiya,
In May Mango Mania arrives in India - yes it is the time of the year when mangoes are ripe and the whole of India goes nuts for them (well the rich people anyway). Everything that can be made out of them is. And some are even eaten as they are - especially the Alphonso variety, the king of mangoes.
And after 4 months sitting around doing nuff... meditating and stuff ... I finally managed to remind myself that travelling is about going places (and it was getting very hot in Pune) - and so I went somewhere, some places in fact, although at first I was wondering why ...
To start with something familiar kicks in - here I am on a train or a bus... then I encouter the disgusting squat toilets which look lke they have been just used by a herd of free roaming cattle which had a particularly bad beer and curry night the night before and whose aim was worse than a Peter Crouch penalty. Then the poverty - no matter what I have seen one day there is always something worse to see the next. Everyone walks round it, ignores it and builds huge very posh hotels next to it ... thats just the obscene way it is. And if you want to see the worlds biggest toilets just look out of the train window in the early morning as it pulls into a big city - endless rows of people squating down baring all (nearly all men oddly enough - I dont know where the women go)???
First stop Udaipur, which is a pretty place (well the bit around the lake and palace is at least) and spent most of the 3 days on the open air restaurant of the place I stayed looking at the views, but hardly moving cos it was so hot (over 40C in the shade) and once the palace and the odd temple had been viewed there wasnt really that much to do. So I decided to go to Jaipur...
Big mistake! Not only was Jaipur hotter than Udaipur - about 45C - (too hot to even lie under the fan comfortably), but it has to be the most scummy city I have been to in India, and you can imagine that is up against some pretty stiff competition. And since India can pride itself at being top of the world scummy city league then you may be able to imagine what Jaipur is like. Suffice to say that the description in LP of Jaipur being 'Whacky Races on acid' is about right. Traffic is constant and choking and constantly choking and when I tried to avoid it, it came looking for me! Everything is crammed in to small spaces. There are twice as many people, cars, rickshaws, cows per sq metre than in most cities in India, and more animals per sq metre than an english farm. The piles of rubbish and muck that line the streets are competed over by cows, goats, water buffalo, dogs, pigs and rats and often people as well, (cardboard is a delicacy for the pigs, cows and goats - Ive never seen humans eat it, yet) and then once they have eaten, they wallow in it. Then they follow me! I have been closely followed by people, dogs and cows (and in the mountains by monkeys) - I dont know which is worse, but it is best not to turn your back on any of them...
However I did realise that there is some value in a society that castes everyone into a specific role in life - opportunists follow the water buffalo herds as they trundle along the street and as soon as the poo hits the floor they grab it and mould it into rounds the size of chappaitis and dry it out for cooking fuel (it is normally poo of good consistency, unlike the liquid splodge left by cows - you cant spend time in India and not be an expert in poo - its everywhere - Regular washing of footwear is advisable).
Out in the villages things are not as bad although the transport can be worse. I was in a normal size jeep heading to a local market with 5 (inc driver) in the front, 6 of us in the 2nd row and about a dozen in the back (several hanging on the rear door). Now even for India I thought this was pretty full but was astounded to find that the next time we stopped to pick up passengers there was a brief discussion and no -one got on. At last I have been on a vehicle in Inida that even the locals considered was full - a first for me! Then at the next stop 2 people got out of the 2nd row ... and 4 got in. I think that in the school syllabus here, maths has been replaced by people management!
Travelling by state owned bus on the narrow winding roads in the hills of Northern India has to be about the worse transport experience I can remember - not only was I jammed in, knees crushed against the seat in front, but after about 5 minutes I was feeling like decorating the bus a queasy shade of green. Luckily it was only a 5 hour trip and I got over it in a few days (just in time to catch the next state owned bus on the narrow winding roads in the hills of Northern India...)
After trying to see the Dalai Lama and finding that he was busy, I went to Dalhousie, a place where Indian tourists go and there are hardly any foreigners, so it was kindda weird. But I did bag myself a small cottage in the hills where I stayed and meditated, and read and found I could sit on my porch gazing out at the spectacular view with one eye whilst watching England play Sri Lanka (live) at Cricket with the other. One eye is all you need to watch cricket anyway...
__________________________________________________________________
Interlude
Its hot, hot , hotter here. At least in the hills it was a lot cooler, even cold. And it rained. And when it rains it rains.
Cool and wet? Reminds me of home.
__________________________________________________________________
Now a bit just for the travel averse, who think an Indian is a restaurant in the high street, and a taste of India means going into an 'Indian' after a large number of beers, here is some other true stuff about India:
- Onion Bhajis - forget it, India's best food is not actually available in India! Well i did find one place that did them ... and they were rubbish, the english versions far better.
- And whilst we are on the subject they dont do poppadoms and pickles like we do either ...
- And Cobra beer doesnt exist here (cos it was invented in Bradford, England) - although Kingfisher is available (and there is an airline also called Kingfisher which astoundingly uses the same logo as the beer! - what does that say about air safety in India?)
- India has (inventively) partyly solved it transport problems by declaring that on the roads, everyone has right of way over everyone else all of the time. So there is no 'waiting' for other traffic to pass, no 'holding back' to let oncoming traffic through before overtaking, no waiting at traffic lights just because they are red ... everyone just goes for any space that is available happy in the knowledge that he has right of way over everyone else. Even more odd is that there is no road rage either. Despite everyone cutting up everyone else all of the time, no-one gets the slightest bit upset or shouts or says anything at all. And everyone having right of way works - well about 98% of the time. There are clearly some teething problems to be ironed out but I don't want to dwell on the number of dents, the odd vehicle on its side or the occasional bodies strewn across the road; it is sufficient to say that I have been repeatedly reminded by repetition that the word for 'accident' in Hindi is 'accident'! Anyway only 80,000 people a year are killed on India's roads (one every 6.5 minutes) so with a population of this size and growing this quickly it's clearly not that important...
But now (save a taxi to the airport at the dead of night) all that is behind me - I have been vegetarian (the only way to be in India) and had virtually no alcohol in the past 5 months, so to be plunged into several rounds of World Cup BBQs and beer extravaganzas very shortly which will be a challenge ... cos I will be home before the big tournament kicks off (lucky coincidence that!).
And that was all the travelling I did in 5 months. For the other four 'I' was the journey.
See ya soon
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
Monday 5 June 2006
Saturday 6 May 2006
Where 39 - Pune (again), India --OR-- Where Did Being Sane Ever Get You?
HI Everyone
It has been yet another month's hard labour at the ashram, breaking rocks and the like.
Someone did ask me to describe the place I am in, but since I have been here over 3 months, walking up and down the same road everyday it has ceased to have any cultural attraction. Suffice to say that:
- The ashram is like living in a pradise with loads of jungle like trees, plants and flowers interspersed by walkways, open areas, air-con buildings and a swimming pool; You can always check it out at
www.osho.com (meditation resort)
- The main roads are hotbeds of hotrods and hotheads, choked with SUVs, tuk-tuks and two-wheelers striving to make their mark on the clock, the road and (sometimes) their foreheads since crash helmets are not required in cities (!). Calling it mayhem would hardly confer the insanity which prevails in even venturing near the roadside (the pavements being virtually unusable, let alone trying to cross it. The real killer though is the (perfectly acceptable) practice of driving or riding at the side of the road in the opposite direction to the traffic in the nearest lane ... just when I thought it was safe to walk at the side of the road, some bugger is coming the opposite way and expects me (walking) to move out into the traffic so he can nip behind me staying close to the relative safety of the kerb.
I have, on a few occasions, made the dubious decision to ride pillion on two wheelers (often driven by Italians (need I say more) - the men are crazy, the women are worse - I sit there hanging on grimley to anything that feels relatively fixed, considering that maybe this is what suicide feels like, not listening as the respective Italian enthiusiastically recounts stories of this and that (actually I have been to scared to ever listen so I dont know) in broken english with one hand forsaking the handlebars in order to give the story an unnecessary flourish, the other hand merely has a passing acquaintance (two fingers are just enough to keep the twist grip on full power, any excess fingers would reduce the excitement by bringing in an element of control). I am frozen whilst in wonderment at their power of longevity as we crash through another pothole, swerve around a large water buffalo with excessively long and threatening horns, and at this point I am tempted to remind them that whilst I have changed a lot in the past few months, I am not yet immortal!
_______________________________________________________________________
Interlude
From the reports the weather in UK actually seems to be getting a little warmer ( or less cold at least), although the amount of rain doesnt sound great. Here it is 40C during the day and 20C at night, so the fans are on all 24/7. Not that the temperature is the problem, the humidity is the killer, and it is getting to be unpleasent during the middle of the day - the only respite is air-con but then the suffering is double upon exit...
Unfortunately, as I head up north the first two places I am heading for, Udaipur and Jaipur, are even hotter - forecast 45 during the day and 30 at night!!! After that I head to the hills and cooler weather ... I hope.
_______________________________________________________________________
The most fun thing in the last month was a 3-day course on tantra - more about love, energy and breath than sex - but mingling amoungst (some) hot bodies is always beneficial; and delving into my own heart emotions by projecting onto my partner or using them as a mirror is very powerful and revealing - and maybe just a bit frightening.
And the main event has been 21 days of Mystic Rose ... I can see I will have to explain ... it may sound strange ... this is a meditation that consists of 7 days of laughing (at nothing), 7 days of crying and then 7 days of silence ... actually its not a whole day just 3 hours but the mood created inside does affect the whole day (and night). Laughing for 3 hours was really hard work cos it is non stop. Crying was extremely difficult, although it is getting in the state of mind and body that is more important than the tears themselves. Silence was a breeze! And so after that my emotions are swirling round in strange directions and will take a while to settle ... so I am heading off to a quiet place by a lake for a few days before doing a bit of travelling.
Yes after all these months, I finally have a plan which actually involves going somewhere! Starting with getting on a train and heading up north via the desert to the mountains where it should be a bit cooler; and leaving this place behind ... and I feel it really is time to leave ... I have been through so much here and existence is now pushing me elsewhere, somewhere quieter, less intense and reflective ... where I can look forward to the blossoming of new emotions...
You may of course think I am insane ... but where did being sane ever get me?? Or you??
Love and Hugs
Ankur
It has been yet another month's hard labour at the ashram, breaking rocks and the like.
Someone did ask me to describe the place I am in, but since I have been here over 3 months, walking up and down the same road everyday it has ceased to have any cultural attraction. Suffice to say that:
- The ashram is like living in a pradise with loads of jungle like trees, plants and flowers interspersed by walkways, open areas, air-con buildings and a swimming pool; You can always check it out at
www.osho.com (meditation resort)
- The main roads are hotbeds of hotrods and hotheads, choked with SUVs, tuk-tuks and two-wheelers striving to make their mark on the clock, the road and (sometimes) their foreheads since crash helmets are not required in cities (!). Calling it mayhem would hardly confer the insanity which prevails in even venturing near the roadside (the pavements being virtually unusable, let alone trying to cross it. The real killer though is the (perfectly acceptable) practice of driving or riding at the side of the road in the opposite direction to the traffic in the nearest lane ... just when I thought it was safe to walk at the side of the road, some bugger is coming the opposite way and expects me (walking) to move out into the traffic so he can nip behind me staying close to the relative safety of the kerb.
I have, on a few occasions, made the dubious decision to ride pillion on two wheelers (often driven by Italians (need I say more) - the men are crazy, the women are worse - I sit there hanging on grimley to anything that feels relatively fixed, considering that maybe this is what suicide feels like, not listening as the respective Italian enthiusiastically recounts stories of this and that (actually I have been to scared to ever listen so I dont know) in broken english with one hand forsaking the handlebars in order to give the story an unnecessary flourish, the other hand merely has a passing acquaintance (two fingers are just enough to keep the twist grip on full power, any excess fingers would reduce the excitement by bringing in an element of control). I am frozen whilst in wonderment at their power of longevity as we crash through another pothole, swerve around a large water buffalo with excessively long and threatening horns, and at this point I am tempted to remind them that whilst I have changed a lot in the past few months, I am not yet immortal!
_______________________________________________________________________
Interlude
From the reports the weather in UK actually seems to be getting a little warmer ( or less cold at least), although the amount of rain doesnt sound great. Here it is 40C during the day and 20C at night, so the fans are on all 24/7. Not that the temperature is the problem, the humidity is the killer, and it is getting to be unpleasent during the middle of the day - the only respite is air-con but then the suffering is double upon exit...
Unfortunately, as I head up north the first two places I am heading for, Udaipur and Jaipur, are even hotter - forecast 45 during the day and 30 at night!!! After that I head to the hills and cooler weather ... I hope.
_______________________________________________________________________
The most fun thing in the last month was a 3-day course on tantra - more about love, energy and breath than sex - but mingling amoungst (some) hot bodies is always beneficial; and delving into my own heart emotions by projecting onto my partner or using them as a mirror is very powerful and revealing - and maybe just a bit frightening.
And the main event has been 21 days of Mystic Rose ... I can see I will have to explain ... it may sound strange ... this is a meditation that consists of 7 days of laughing (at nothing), 7 days of crying and then 7 days of silence ... actually its not a whole day just 3 hours but the mood created inside does affect the whole day (and night). Laughing for 3 hours was really hard work cos it is non stop. Crying was extremely difficult, although it is getting in the state of mind and body that is more important than the tears themselves. Silence was a breeze! And so after that my emotions are swirling round in strange directions and will take a while to settle ... so I am heading off to a quiet place by a lake for a few days before doing a bit of travelling.
Yes after all these months, I finally have a plan which actually involves going somewhere! Starting with getting on a train and heading up north via the desert to the mountains where it should be a bit cooler; and leaving this place behind ... and I feel it really is time to leave ... I have been through so much here and existence is now pushing me elsewhere, somewhere quieter, less intense and reflective ... where I can look forward to the blossoming of new emotions...
You may of course think I am insane ... but where did being sane ever get me?? Or you??
Love and Hugs
Ankur
Tuesday 11 April 2006
Where 38 - Pune (still), India --OR-- How to Have Everything You Want so long as You Want Nothing at All
Hiya
Thanks for all the emails warning me about being brainwashed at ashrams in India. I'm sure some of them were out of genuine concern, and the others were at least amusing.
I have spent most of the past month indulging myself in massages and the like - not intentionally of course, but it just happened that way ...
- Firstly, I went to th Ayuverdic doctor to try and fix my left knee which has been getting worse since I have been here (and is my excuse for not being able to kick a football with my left foot). I ended up having my whole body smothered in oil several times and then on numerous occasions my knee was swabbed firmly with boiling oil which was excruciatingly painful. At least my knee did get a lot better (back to where it was when I got here).
- Then a couple of times I had deep massage - the guy (who has been recommended to me by loads of people) found bits of me I didnt know could hurt but I floated off somewhere afterwards so it must have been good.
- Transomatic Dialogue - next I stumbled upon this, but still dont know what it means. It isn't massage but I got to lay on a table (clothes on though) and after revealing my deepest secrets to the therapist, she proceeded to talk to my body for an hour and a half - kindda weird but it went deep.
- And now finally I have decided to try Acupuncture (Tibetan style) and have needles stuck around my knee and all over the rest of me as well. Ive just started the course but I will let you know how it goes...
Just in case it seems like I am at a health farm, there are occasional reminders that I am in India, like:
Roads - Around here they love laying new roads. Unfortunately there is no overall plan and so when a road that has never been anything other than a dirt track gets tarmac'd, someone found they needed to dig a trench the whole way across within 2 days!
Language - It constantly amazes me how the locals can change languages several times in the same conversation apparently seamlessly between Hindi, Marati and English, and then back again without anyone batting an eyelid. Whether anyone really understands what is being said does not seem too important.
Pavements - these rare stretches of paradise are built around existing trees which is very enviromentally friendly (about the only thing here that is) but often to the point where the pavement is completely blocked by said tree and everyone has to walk in the road (not recommended due to ridiculous amount of traffic and standard of driving), although often there are less potholes in the road than on the (new) pavement!
Elephants walking along the road. It happens!
The diet is of course a vegatarian one (chancing eating meat here is an unnecessary risk I dont need to take) and the veg food is very good. Add to that the variety of ripe fruit available at very cheap prices and I find I am stuffing myself at every opportunity with fruit and veg and still eating more healthily than ever before. The only problem is that I'm struggling to take in enough calories, especially with the rising heat having a negative effect on everyone's appetites. So just to increase the sugar intake a few of us have started to have a weekly pig out at an unlimited thali place with loads of sweet stuff as well ... ah, the joys of Indian food... but I have definitely lost quite a few kgs since I got here.
And talking of looks, my hair is now long enough that it needs a direction to grow in other than simply outward!
____________________________________________________________________
Interlude
It is kindda strange that London is now getting over an hour more daylight than we are here but according to the BBC the temperature is attached by an elastic band to a point near freezing. Here I am just glad that it hasn't breached the 40C mark although it has been 38 or 39 most days for some time now. At least the humidity is relatively low, although that is starting to rise unstoppably in anticipation of the monsoon in June, by which time I will hopefully be back in the UK enjoying more friendly temperatures - mid 20s would be nice.
_____________________________________________________________________
And of course there are meditations - yes I am still getting up at 5.30am to jump around the inside of a marble clad pyramid although I only managed to do 26 days in a row this time as I was getting bored and wanted a few days rest. Better meditations include poi (swinging 2 small weights on strings around the head) - these can be alight but at the moment I am settling for the ones with brightly coloured scarves attached as being safer (when it all goes wrong) and better in daylight anyway; I'm not that good but for some reason a couple of people asked me to teach them, so I now teach it as well! And yes it might sound (an awful lot) like playing but this really is meditation - one of the major points of (eastern) meditation is to get out of the mind, and it really is impossible to think about what is happening to those weights at the end of the strings as they whizz round in funny patterns - so the mind just gives up ... trust me ...
And of course, Courses.
- All these courses that I have done have (eventually) brought up their share of confusion of the mind and body (emotionally) which is a bit weird at first cos it catches me unaware; suddenly, for no reason, I feel different.
- The main one this month was called 'Who is in?' which is an intensive 3 days where the first thing they do is take your watch away and then tell you to be on time, everytime. They also made us get up at 4.45am (although we had no idea what time it was) and eat boiled veg and tofu (yuk, yuk, yuk). And we were not allowed any salt and pepper either. If ever you need a reciepe for tastelessness then try tofu and diet dal.
So having got us all under their complete control 'they' sat me down opposite a partner who asked me the koan (Zen word for a riddle with no answer), 'Tell me, who is in?'; I looked inside myself and had to talk for 5 mins on how I felt (emotionally, sort of), on what was there. Then I asked my partner the same question and then 5 mins later I was asked the question again and so it went on for 3 days - I was asked 100 times and gave 100 different answers. The whole point is to bring up all these masks, personalities, egos, conditioning which are not me and discard them. Then what I am left with eventually is 'I'. And at the end of the second day I felt a different space inside me, that had been covered up by all the other rubbish - a space of contentment, beauty, happiness and bliss, and yet all so simple. Although I didn't recognise it at first I found that this was the 'I' I had been searching for!
And then I realised that I could have absolutely everything I wanted, so long as I wanted nothing!
And realising and understanding this is very powerful indeed.
Let me know if you get it!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
Thanks for all the emails warning me about being brainwashed at ashrams in India. I'm sure some of them were out of genuine concern, and the others were at least amusing.
I have spent most of the past month indulging myself in massages and the like - not intentionally of course, but it just happened that way ...
- Firstly, I went to th Ayuverdic doctor to try and fix my left knee which has been getting worse since I have been here (and is my excuse for not being able to kick a football with my left foot). I ended up having my whole body smothered in oil several times and then on numerous occasions my knee was swabbed firmly with boiling oil which was excruciatingly painful. At least my knee did get a lot better (back to where it was when I got here).
- Then a couple of times I had deep massage - the guy (who has been recommended to me by loads of people) found bits of me I didnt know could hurt but I floated off somewhere afterwards so it must have been good.
- Transomatic Dialogue - next I stumbled upon this, but still dont know what it means. It isn't massage but I got to lay on a table (clothes on though) and after revealing my deepest secrets to the therapist, she proceeded to talk to my body for an hour and a half - kindda weird but it went deep.
- And now finally I have decided to try Acupuncture (Tibetan style) and have needles stuck around my knee and all over the rest of me as well. Ive just started the course but I will let you know how it goes...
Just in case it seems like I am at a health farm, there are occasional reminders that I am in India, like:
Roads - Around here they love laying new roads. Unfortunately there is no overall plan and so when a road that has never been anything other than a dirt track gets tarmac'd, someone found they needed to dig a trench the whole way across within 2 days!
Language - It constantly amazes me how the locals can change languages several times in the same conversation apparently seamlessly between Hindi, Marati and English, and then back again without anyone batting an eyelid. Whether anyone really understands what is being said does not seem too important.
Pavements - these rare stretches of paradise are built around existing trees which is very enviromentally friendly (about the only thing here that is) but often to the point where the pavement is completely blocked by said tree and everyone has to walk in the road (not recommended due to ridiculous amount of traffic and standard of driving), although often there are less potholes in the road than on the (new) pavement!
Elephants walking along the road. It happens!
The diet is of course a vegatarian one (chancing eating meat here is an unnecessary risk I dont need to take) and the veg food is very good. Add to that the variety of ripe fruit available at very cheap prices and I find I am stuffing myself at every opportunity with fruit and veg and still eating more healthily than ever before. The only problem is that I'm struggling to take in enough calories, especially with the rising heat having a negative effect on everyone's appetites. So just to increase the sugar intake a few of us have started to have a weekly pig out at an unlimited thali place with loads of sweet stuff as well ... ah, the joys of Indian food... but I have definitely lost quite a few kgs since I got here.
And talking of looks, my hair is now long enough that it needs a direction to grow in other than simply outward!
____________________________________________________________________
Interlude
It is kindda strange that London is now getting over an hour more daylight than we are here but according to the BBC the temperature is attached by an elastic band to a point near freezing. Here I am just glad that it hasn't breached the 40C mark although it has been 38 or 39 most days for some time now. At least the humidity is relatively low, although that is starting to rise unstoppably in anticipation of the monsoon in June, by which time I will hopefully be back in the UK enjoying more friendly temperatures - mid 20s would be nice.
_____________________________________________________________________
And of course there are meditations - yes I am still getting up at 5.30am to jump around the inside of a marble clad pyramid although I only managed to do 26 days in a row this time as I was getting bored and wanted a few days rest. Better meditations include poi (swinging 2 small weights on strings around the head) - these can be alight but at the moment I am settling for the ones with brightly coloured scarves attached as being safer (when it all goes wrong) and better in daylight anyway; I'm not that good but for some reason a couple of people asked me to teach them, so I now teach it as well! And yes it might sound (an awful lot) like playing but this really is meditation - one of the major points of (eastern) meditation is to get out of the mind, and it really is impossible to think about what is happening to those weights at the end of the strings as they whizz round in funny patterns - so the mind just gives up ... trust me ...
And of course, Courses.
- All these courses that I have done have (eventually) brought up their share of confusion of the mind and body (emotionally) which is a bit weird at first cos it catches me unaware; suddenly, for no reason, I feel different.
- The main one this month was called 'Who is in?' which is an intensive 3 days where the first thing they do is take your watch away and then tell you to be on time, everytime. They also made us get up at 4.45am (although we had no idea what time it was) and eat boiled veg and tofu (yuk, yuk, yuk). And we were not allowed any salt and pepper either. If ever you need a reciepe for tastelessness then try tofu and diet dal.
So having got us all under their complete control 'they' sat me down opposite a partner who asked me the koan (Zen word for a riddle with no answer), 'Tell me, who is in?'; I looked inside myself and had to talk for 5 mins on how I felt (emotionally, sort of), on what was there. Then I asked my partner the same question and then 5 mins later I was asked the question again and so it went on for 3 days - I was asked 100 times and gave 100 different answers. The whole point is to bring up all these masks, personalities, egos, conditioning which are not me and discard them. Then what I am left with eventually is 'I'. And at the end of the second day I felt a different space inside me, that had been covered up by all the other rubbish - a space of contentment, beauty, happiness and bliss, and yet all so simple. Although I didn't recognise it at first I found that this was the 'I' I had been searching for!
And then I realised that I could have absolutely everything I wanted, so long as I wanted nothing!
And realising and understanding this is very powerful indeed.
Let me know if you get it!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
Wednesday 15 March 2006
Where 37 - Pune, India --OR-- How to Live in Bliss - the Intellectual Answer
HI Everyone ...
... from the land of bombs and bird flu. Not that anyone asked, but if they had I would have been able to tell them that although I am close to the location of the confirmed cases of bird flu, I have not eaten eggs or chicken since I got here and am currently surrounding myself with cats and street dogs (easy here) to avoid any birdfowl coming close. And I have been some distance from the bombs which have killed quite a few locals (but no tourists) so far.
I have been in India 2 months now and have got used to the little intricacies of life here:
- the constant power cuts which happen several times during the day, and are of indeterminent length - the only reliable thing is that they DO happen every day.
- yesterday I ate at an italian restaurant for a change from the usual curry, and they gave me a knife and fork! I thought they only had spoons in India? I havent used a knife and fork for 2 months and could barely remember how to use them - mind you eating pizza with a spoon could also be tricky.
- Festival - today was the Hindu festival of Holi which involves half the population (i.e. half a billion) roaming the streets armed with copious amounts of coloured powder and paint to throw at the other half a Billion. As you can imagine the result is an enormous unholi(!) but xtremely colourful mess. Luckily, I have avoided being coloured to death (so far) although the road is a mosaic testimony to the heavyweight encounters that have taken place, and many of the locals shimmer like rainbows.
In the past month I have managed to find a bit of time to relax, that is when I have not been beating myself up on some course or other. Last post (a month ago) I was part way through a Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course ... thankfully now completed. But first a few things I forgot to mention last time.
Vipassana (10 day course)
It only took 20 hours for me to learn to drive a bus to carry and look after 50 people - it took 100 hours to learn Vipassana meditation to look after just me. Efficient it is not - but effective? Well, maybe it allowed me to experience a new level of ... just living!
Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course
I was told by the facilitator that the first thing I had to do (before the course started) was find someone to do my laundry for the first 12 days of the course when we were in isolation! I was horrified - I had just arrived, I hadn't even met anyone yet; Imagine having to go up to someone you have never met before and ask them to do your laundry for 12 days. Now that is a test (of what I don't know), but I had to do it, so I did. Hopefully never again!
As part of the course I had to carry around a large blue bunny rabbit (covered with pink hearts) for 10 days (his name was Blue Bunny and he has magic ears so he can fly!). He had to go everywhere I went: sit next to me in the meditations and at mealtimes and in bed. We must have got some funny looks wandering around like that - but we weren't allowed to make eye contact with anyone so thankfully I never saw any of it!
Part II of this course was 8 days spent examining our adolesence; Strict committment to secrecy prevents me from revealing what we did on this part of the course (and you wouldn't believe me anyway) suffice to say that it was examined in depth and at some length (but it did involve a lot of chocolate!).
And finally, Part III which was 3 days of silent meditation - and that was the end of the course, a massive 28 days after it started (inc breaks) - and it did seem like a lifetime!
And at last I get to have a lay-in - well deserved I feel after a record (for me) 42 consecutive days of getting up at 4.15am or 5.30am. And you all thought I was having an easy life ...
Before I left the UK someone said to me that if they had 28 days they wouldnt spend them doing this. Yes, it is possible to look on this as 100% of your annual holiday entitlement being spent on a course, which lets face it, is not absolutly guaranteed to change your life; but if I live for, say, another 40 years, these days amount to is only 0.19% of the rest of my life - a bargain - especially compared to the 30% that will probably be spent sleeping!
_________________
Interlude
The Weather - It has been steadily getting hotter and hotter here (up to about 35C and down to 15C at night) without a cloud anywhere to be seen - and then suddenly it rains together with a huge lightening storm. At least the few days after were a little cooler (low 30's) and it made a change from all that blue sky stuff.
__________________
Other Stuff
- Three days spent in a police station...My ipod mp3 player was stolen which I had only bought 2 months before so I was really annoyed; then I spent most of the next 3 days in a police station trying and eventually suceeding to get a police report for the insurance. To say that it was bureaucratic is a slight understatement, and in the end I only got what I wanted because during one of my long vigils (meditations!?!) in the police station, the elder brother of one of the officers came in and I got talking to him - then he had a brief work with his younger brother and suddenly the police report (which I had to write myself anyway) became a slight priority and they stamped and signed it which took them all of about 10 seconds - after 3 days of waiting! Bloody Hell! People have committed murder, been arrested, tried, found guilty, executed and reincarnated in less time that it took me to get a signature on a piece of paper!!!
I have now come to terms with the loss seeing this theft as a gift of a beautiful opportunity to indulge in reading books and talking to people rather than encasing myself in artificial world of sound (I bet the person who stole it wasn't thinking that though).
- Escape!
After getting that bit of paper from the police, I was finally able to escape the intensity of the ashram and leave the energy of the course behind - and go to another ashram(!), but this one was on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake with unbelieveable sunsets ... and I was virtually the only person there - now that is bliss. And I needed it more than I could have imagined, I went for 3 days and stayed 9 before I felt I was ready to come back and face the intensity of the ashram again. And all the stuff that came up in the course is still swirling round my body, mainly subconciously until it wants to escape and drain me of my energy.
- Who Am I?
Since glibbly asking this 2 months ago I have come to realise (OK so someone told me) that this is the only question worth asking. So (unintentionally) I started off on the right lines. Unfortunately this does not make answering the question any more easy. But at an intellectual level the answer is something like this:
- You are not the body, you are not the mind (or the ego). What you really are cannot be defined in words.
- The past is just a record of events, do not indulge in your sad life-story (just thinking about it leads to more sadness).
- The future is your vision but must be without craving or aversion or ego. - Be totally in the moment, with no thoughts.
- Totally accept what is happening in that moment (it is happening anyway - it already 'is'). And there you will find who you are!
Unfortunately, these words are not the answer, words are only signposts. So intellectual understanding is only a small step - the answer must be experienced. To get a start on that just sit there without any thoughts entering your head for a few minutes - not as easy as it sounds.
When I came to write this post I was convinced I had nothing of interest to write, and now you have experinced that too! But if you have made it this far ... you probably skipped the middle bit!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
... from the land of bombs and bird flu. Not that anyone asked, but if they had I would have been able to tell them that although I am close to the location of the confirmed cases of bird flu, I have not eaten eggs or chicken since I got here and am currently surrounding myself with cats and street dogs (easy here) to avoid any birdfowl coming close. And I have been some distance from the bombs which have killed quite a few locals (but no tourists) so far.
I have been in India 2 months now and have got used to the little intricacies of life here:
- the constant power cuts which happen several times during the day, and are of indeterminent length - the only reliable thing is that they DO happen every day.
- yesterday I ate at an italian restaurant for a change from the usual curry, and they gave me a knife and fork! I thought they only had spoons in India? I havent used a knife and fork for 2 months and could barely remember how to use them - mind you eating pizza with a spoon could also be tricky.
- Festival - today was the Hindu festival of Holi which involves half the population (i.e. half a billion) roaming the streets armed with copious amounts of coloured powder and paint to throw at the other half a Billion. As you can imagine the result is an enormous unholi(!) but xtremely colourful mess. Luckily, I have avoided being coloured to death (so far) although the road is a mosaic testimony to the heavyweight encounters that have taken place, and many of the locals shimmer like rainbows.
In the past month I have managed to find a bit of time to relax, that is when I have not been beating myself up on some course or other. Last post (a month ago) I was part way through a Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course ... thankfully now completed. But first a few things I forgot to mention last time.
Vipassana (10 day course)
It only took 20 hours for me to learn to drive a bus to carry and look after 50 people - it took 100 hours to learn Vipassana meditation to look after just me. Efficient it is not - but effective? Well, maybe it allowed me to experience a new level of ... just living!
Fresh Beginnings for a New Life Course
I was told by the facilitator that the first thing I had to do (before the course started) was find someone to do my laundry for the first 12 days of the course when we were in isolation! I was horrified - I had just arrived, I hadn't even met anyone yet; Imagine having to go up to someone you have never met before and ask them to do your laundry for 12 days. Now that is a test (of what I don't know), but I had to do it, so I did. Hopefully never again!
As part of the course I had to carry around a large blue bunny rabbit (covered with pink hearts) for 10 days (his name was Blue Bunny and he has magic ears so he can fly!). He had to go everywhere I went: sit next to me in the meditations and at mealtimes and in bed. We must have got some funny looks wandering around like that - but we weren't allowed to make eye contact with anyone so thankfully I never saw any of it!
Part II of this course was 8 days spent examining our adolesence; Strict committment to secrecy prevents me from revealing what we did on this part of the course (and you wouldn't believe me anyway) suffice to say that it was examined in depth and at some length (but it did involve a lot of chocolate!).
And finally, Part III which was 3 days of silent meditation - and that was the end of the course, a massive 28 days after it started (inc breaks) - and it did seem like a lifetime!
And at last I get to have a lay-in - well deserved I feel after a record (for me) 42 consecutive days of getting up at 4.15am or 5.30am. And you all thought I was having an easy life ...
Before I left the UK someone said to me that if they had 28 days they wouldnt spend them doing this. Yes, it is possible to look on this as 100% of your annual holiday entitlement being spent on a course, which lets face it, is not absolutly guaranteed to change your life; but if I live for, say, another 40 years, these days amount to is only 0.19% of the rest of my life - a bargain - especially compared to the 30% that will probably be spent sleeping!
_________________
Interlude
The Weather - It has been steadily getting hotter and hotter here (up to about 35C and down to 15C at night) without a cloud anywhere to be seen - and then suddenly it rains together with a huge lightening storm. At least the few days after were a little cooler (low 30's) and it made a change from all that blue sky stuff.
__________________
Other Stuff
- Three days spent in a police station...My ipod mp3 player was stolen which I had only bought 2 months before so I was really annoyed; then I spent most of the next 3 days in a police station trying and eventually suceeding to get a police report for the insurance. To say that it was bureaucratic is a slight understatement, and in the end I only got what I wanted because during one of my long vigils (meditations!?!) in the police station, the elder brother of one of the officers came in and I got talking to him - then he had a brief work with his younger brother and suddenly the police report (which I had to write myself anyway) became a slight priority and they stamped and signed it which took them all of about 10 seconds - after 3 days of waiting! Bloody Hell! People have committed murder, been arrested, tried, found guilty, executed and reincarnated in less time that it took me to get a signature on a piece of paper!!!
I have now come to terms with the loss seeing this theft as a gift of a beautiful opportunity to indulge in reading books and talking to people rather than encasing myself in artificial world of sound (I bet the person who stole it wasn't thinking that though).
- Escape!
After getting that bit of paper from the police, I was finally able to escape the intensity of the ashram and leave the energy of the course behind - and go to another ashram(!), but this one was on a hill overlooking a beautiful lake with unbelieveable sunsets ... and I was virtually the only person there - now that is bliss. And I needed it more than I could have imagined, I went for 3 days and stayed 9 before I felt I was ready to come back and face the intensity of the ashram again. And all the stuff that came up in the course is still swirling round my body, mainly subconciously until it wants to escape and drain me of my energy.
- Who Am I?
Since glibbly asking this 2 months ago I have come to realise (OK so someone told me) that this is the only question worth asking. So (unintentionally) I started off on the right lines. Unfortunately this does not make answering the question any more easy. But at an intellectual level the answer is something like this:
- You are not the body, you are not the mind (or the ego). What you really are cannot be defined in words.
- The past is just a record of events, do not indulge in your sad life-story (just thinking about it leads to more sadness).
- The future is your vision but must be without craving or aversion or ego. - Be totally in the moment, with no thoughts.
- Totally accept what is happening in that moment (it is happening anyway - it already 'is'). And there you will find who you are!
Unfortunately, these words are not the answer, words are only signposts. So intellectual understanding is only a small step - the answer must be experienced. To get a start on that just sit there without any thoughts entering your head for a few minutes - not as easy as it sounds.
When I came to write this post I was convinced I had nothing of interest to write, and now you have experinced that too! But if you have made it this far ... you probably skipped the middle bit!
Love and Hugs
Ankur / Pete
Sunday 12 February 2006
Where 36 - Pune, India --OR-- The Path to Bliss and Emptiness via Meditation and Pain
HI
I have been in India for a month now and what a time it has been. I have spent most of it in isolation, not allowed to talk to anyone in 2 stretches of 10 days and 12 days each. It has been a journey, nay, an adventure, albeit of a different sort to the type I usually end up having, but I am all the better for it. The bad news is that I have spent a tonne of money and tomorrow start another 8 days of intensive course, a break of 2 days then a final 3 days. Then I really will need a holiday!!
So back to the beginning:
Arrived in Mumbai (Bombay) with the aim this trip of gaining some inner peace and happiness - simple enough goals, perhaps?
Firstly, I went to Pune Riverside Vipassana Centre for a 10 day course. Vipassana is an ancient form of meditation as used by the Buddha to gain enlightenment 2,500 years ago (from where Buddhism comes). This pure form was preserved only in Burma and in the past 40 years has spread around the world. Meditation in the west is often seen as a means of relaxation and concentration, giving the mind 'space', but its real purpose is change and there is no change as great in a person as the path to enlightenment - not that I even want to try and follow it too closely, at least not now, but there are many benefits to be gained along that path such as knowing who I really am, or having a better idea at least.
So I end up with 30 guys and 20 women (nearly all local Indians) and in strict segregation, silence etc for 10 days. The timetable was:
4am Get up
4.30 2 hours meditation
6.30 Breakfast
8 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
9 2 hour meditation
11 lunch
1pm 1.5 hour meditation
2.30 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
3.30 1.5 hour meditation
5pm Snack (cross between large rice krispies and Bombay mix, a banana and milk)
6pm Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
7pm Video discourse
8.30 Half hour meditation
9pm Finish
9.30 lights out
So about 10 hours of meditation plus 1.5 hour video. And this was Hardcore! Not the silence cos everyone around was in silence as well, so no problem. Not even the food regime of virtually nothing after midday, was that tough: surprisingly I could survive on just Bombay Rice Krispies, banana and milk for 19 hours. It was the sitting there for 10-hours a day, day after day, that was 'hell'. Sitting there very still conentrating on breath for first 3 days, and then on sensations all over the body. Emotionally it was nothing. Physically the first 4 days were excruiating. Mentally the process was like smashing my head against a brick wall time after time. Insanity is too small a word for it. And at the end of 10 days I was told if I did this for 2 hours a day for the rest of my life I would benefit greatly! Thanks, have you nothing that works a little faster?
On the 3rd day, when i was really struggling with it all, I did have a moment; something inside me clicked and I suddenly broke into my broadest smile ever - a piece of inner happiness had escaped from my repressed core and stirred my soul. Fantastic! But that was the only such moment.
So after 10-days we left (there was a board with the no. of the day it was, otherwise I would have had no clue at all - one day was exactly, to the detail, the same as the one before and the one after!) - and I wondered what the point was as I didnt feel any different to the day I arrived (exept for being thankful that it was over). We all crammed on a public bus which was full before we all got on - I managed to sit on my luggage in the aisle, desperately hanging on as we crashed over the bumps, dust being thrust through the floor into my face - the usual Indian hell. And then I finally got it! This wasn't torture at all it was bliss! No matter what the external factors it was what was going on inside that counted. I felt great. Alive. Happy. And no ordinary crap was gonna stop me feeling that way.
--------Interlude--------
Cos I'm English I have to mention the weather!
The mornings are bloody freezing her - well not quite but it has been down to 5 C on a couple of mornings. but by 9am it is warm, and 1pm roasting in the sun. And there is sun - one morning a few weeks ago I saw a couple of small clouds in the distance - they have been the only ones this month.
--------End of interlude-------
I didnt know then, that what I had done so far was just the easy bit! Because, before I really had time to understand the effets of the 10-day vipassana, I was in a different part of Pune at Osho meditation centre - for meditation of a much different style - active, fun and relaxing. Not that I went there for that, cos 3 days after I got there, there was a course starting: Fresh Beginnings for a New Life. So far I have just done the first 12 days, there is a 3 day break and then a further eight days, a break of two days and 3 more days to integrate all the changes. Yes this place is all about change in a big way. The 12 days i have just finished was all primal work - digging up the conditioning put on us by mum and dad in the first 7 years of our lives. And there was plenty of it. Now this really is hardcore (oh so maybe the Vipassana was easy?). The 16 of us were told what to do every minute of the 12 days. We all slept in a communal room for 6 hours a night - they kept us busy every night til 11.30pm and we had to get up at 5.30am (almost a lie in after the 4am of vipassana) for 1 hour Dynamic meditation (exhausting). Throughout the day we were in an underground room with padded walls and we all had to bear our soles like we never thought possible before. Suffice to say that those 15 people and 9 helpers/teachers in the room know more about me now then anyone else on the planet - holding back was not an option - it was blood (not much), sweat (loads) and tears (plenty) all the way. This was mainly emotional pain, but often a lot of physical pain had to be gone through to release it. Silence was more difficult because there was a massive energy within the group and at meal times people around us (not on the course) were talking. We were on a speial diet of no sugar/honey (or anything with sugar in), no tea, no coffee, no alcohol, no drugs, very limited dairy and loads of other rules. F***! It was hard.
My summary:
Primal work is like committing open heart sugery on yourself (without an anesthetic) - it is more painful than you could imagine, but gives you the chance of freedom in a new life.
And that is where I am now. Empty. Simply Empty.
All that supression and supressed emotion of my whole life has been forced out. All my emotional defences went with them. I am vulnerable. A bit scared. Cautious, because any emotional event, however small can fill me with anger, sadness, joy or love - and life in india is full of all of these all of the time. Luckily the support is there, there are people around me who are wonderful, there are a few who spread a different energy - this is a time to choose who I spend my time with very carefully. And I am no longer controlled by all the parental rules which I had stored in my head for all these years and truly thought were my own values. This really is a fresh beginning. Now I am me, I have so many choices about were to go and what to do next. And this was just the first part of the course - the second part starts tomorrow...
But am I scared?
Yep!
More soon!
Love and Hugs
Ankur/Pete
I have been in India for a month now and what a time it has been. I have spent most of it in isolation, not allowed to talk to anyone in 2 stretches of 10 days and 12 days each. It has been a journey, nay, an adventure, albeit of a different sort to the type I usually end up having, but I am all the better for it. The bad news is that I have spent a tonne of money and tomorrow start another 8 days of intensive course, a break of 2 days then a final 3 days. Then I really will need a holiday!!
So back to the beginning:
Arrived in Mumbai (Bombay) with the aim this trip of gaining some inner peace and happiness - simple enough goals, perhaps?
Firstly, I went to Pune Riverside Vipassana Centre for a 10 day course. Vipassana is an ancient form of meditation as used by the Buddha to gain enlightenment 2,500 years ago (from where Buddhism comes). This pure form was preserved only in Burma and in the past 40 years has spread around the world. Meditation in the west is often seen as a means of relaxation and concentration, giving the mind 'space', but its real purpose is change and there is no change as great in a person as the path to enlightenment - not that I even want to try and follow it too closely, at least not now, but there are many benefits to be gained along that path such as knowing who I really am, or having a better idea at least.
So I end up with 30 guys and 20 women (nearly all local Indians) and in strict segregation, silence etc for 10 days. The timetable was:
4am Get up
4.30 2 hours meditation
6.30 Breakfast
8 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
9 2 hour meditation
11 lunch
1pm 1.5 hour meditation
2.30 Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
3.30 1.5 hour meditation
5pm Snack (cross between large rice krispies and Bombay mix, a banana and milk)
6pm Special 1 hour meditation (no moving at all allowed)
7pm Video discourse
8.30 Half hour meditation
9pm Finish
9.30 lights out
So about 10 hours of meditation plus 1.5 hour video. And this was Hardcore! Not the silence cos everyone around was in silence as well, so no problem. Not even the food regime of virtually nothing after midday, was that tough: surprisingly I could survive on just Bombay Rice Krispies, banana and milk for 19 hours. It was the sitting there for 10-hours a day, day after day, that was 'hell'. Sitting there very still conentrating on breath for first 3 days, and then on sensations all over the body. Emotionally it was nothing. Physically the first 4 days were excruiating. Mentally the process was like smashing my head against a brick wall time after time. Insanity is too small a word for it. And at the end of 10 days I was told if I did this for 2 hours a day for the rest of my life I would benefit greatly! Thanks, have you nothing that works a little faster?
On the 3rd day, when i was really struggling with it all, I did have a moment; something inside me clicked and I suddenly broke into my broadest smile ever - a piece of inner happiness had escaped from my repressed core and stirred my soul. Fantastic! But that was the only such moment.
So after 10-days we left (there was a board with the no. of the day it was, otherwise I would have had no clue at all - one day was exactly, to the detail, the same as the one before and the one after!) - and I wondered what the point was as I didnt feel any different to the day I arrived (exept for being thankful that it was over). We all crammed on a public bus which was full before we all got on - I managed to sit on my luggage in the aisle, desperately hanging on as we crashed over the bumps, dust being thrust through the floor into my face - the usual Indian hell. And then I finally got it! This wasn't torture at all it was bliss! No matter what the external factors it was what was going on inside that counted. I felt great. Alive. Happy. And no ordinary crap was gonna stop me feeling that way.
--------Interlude--------
Cos I'm English I have to mention the weather!
The mornings are bloody freezing her - well not quite but it has been down to 5 C on a couple of mornings. but by 9am it is warm, and 1pm roasting in the sun. And there is sun - one morning a few weeks ago I saw a couple of small clouds in the distance - they have been the only ones this month.
--------End of interlude-------
I didnt know then, that what I had done so far was just the easy bit! Because, before I really had time to understand the effets of the 10-day vipassana, I was in a different part of Pune at Osho meditation centre - for meditation of a much different style - active, fun and relaxing. Not that I went there for that, cos 3 days after I got there, there was a course starting: Fresh Beginnings for a New Life. So far I have just done the first 12 days, there is a 3 day break and then a further eight days, a break of two days and 3 more days to integrate all the changes. Yes this place is all about change in a big way. The 12 days i have just finished was all primal work - digging up the conditioning put on us by mum and dad in the first 7 years of our lives. And there was plenty of it. Now this really is hardcore (oh so maybe the Vipassana was easy?). The 16 of us were told what to do every minute of the 12 days. We all slept in a communal room for 6 hours a night - they kept us busy every night til 11.30pm and we had to get up at 5.30am (almost a lie in after the 4am of vipassana) for 1 hour Dynamic meditation (exhausting). Throughout the day we were in an underground room with padded walls and we all had to bear our soles like we never thought possible before. Suffice to say that those 15 people and 9 helpers/teachers in the room know more about me now then anyone else on the planet - holding back was not an option - it was blood (not much), sweat (loads) and tears (plenty) all the way. This was mainly emotional pain, but often a lot of physical pain had to be gone through to release it. Silence was more difficult because there was a massive energy within the group and at meal times people around us (not on the course) were talking. We were on a speial diet of no sugar/honey (or anything with sugar in), no tea, no coffee, no alcohol, no drugs, very limited dairy and loads of other rules. F***! It was hard.
My summary:
Primal work is like committing open heart sugery on yourself (without an anesthetic) - it is more painful than you could imagine, but gives you the chance of freedom in a new life.
And that is where I am now. Empty. Simply Empty.
All that supression and supressed emotion of my whole life has been forced out. All my emotional defences went with them. I am vulnerable. A bit scared. Cautious, because any emotional event, however small can fill me with anger, sadness, joy or love - and life in india is full of all of these all of the time. Luckily the support is there, there are people around me who are wonderful, there are a few who spread a different energy - this is a time to choose who I spend my time with very carefully. And I am no longer controlled by all the parental rules which I had stored in my head for all these years and truly thought were my own values. This really is a fresh beginning. Now I am me, I have so many choices about were to go and what to do next. And this was just the first part of the course - the second part starts tomorrow...
But am I scared?
Yep!
More soon!
Love and Hugs
Ankur/Pete
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