The Good, the Bad and the Angry
(The Emotional Truth)
It always surprises me that one of the most common things that holds back those new to their spiritual path is the illusion that emotions are either 'Good' (such as happy and loving) or 'Bad' (such as anger or sadness).
We have emotions because we are human beings and it is a perfectly natural and wonderful thing. They are just different energetic expressions of where we are in that moment. Emotions provide us with important information because they tell us, at a deeper level than our mind, what is really going on for us in that moment. And they are more reliable than our mind which, because it carries conditioning and the pressures of others expectations, often wants to put up a mask and so is not always honest about how we really are, to our-self or others.
Society has come to attach a notional label of 'Good' or 'Bad' to emotions depending on whether they are socially acceptable, or whether they are likely to impact 'positively' or 'negatively' on our ability to function as part of a society. Society handles some emotions easily, such as laughter, happiness (so long as they are not extreme expressions like rolling around on the pavement with laughter!). But other emotions are avoided, such as tears and anger. These emotions are often seen as inconvenient and embarrassing and so, not surprisingly, we often suppress them (to 'get rid' of them) and pretend they don’t exist and maybe try to focus on a ‘good’ emotion to get us into a good space. Short term this seems like a good idea and can make us feel better, but in the longer term this gets us nowhere.
There are no good or bad emotions - all emotion is an expression of what we are feeling in that moment and is an outward flow of energy. Anger is often cited as a 'negative' emotion - it is actually a beautiful emotion that is extremely powerful and flows like a torrent! Many people will perceive it as a 'bad' emotion because in their experience it is often aimed at them, or aimed randomly, and accompanied by physical and/or emotional harm. So fear arises as soon as anger is encountered and it is tempting to avoid it at every opportunity. Hence we never get to experience the power and beauty of pure anger without that fear of harm.
These emotions are a valuable doorway to our deeper self and there are ways in which we can use them to go deeper. We can notice them and allow them to be there totally, and really feel the emotion. We can remain present to it, accepting that in this moment we have this emotion and feel it totally, so allowing it to pass. Sometimes we may need to express it, although for some emotions a safe space to express them in is not always available.
This may seem similar to suppressing it but it is in fact the opposite. When we suppress it we resist it and move away from it or find something else to do to ’take our mind off it’. When we allow it to be there we move closer to it, welcome it and immerse ourselves totally in the emotion (which may then become more intense), welcoming all of it to stay with us in that moment and for as long as it needs to. Then after a short time we will find that it dies by itself allowing us to move on in a more peaceful and clear space.
Whether you express them or just feel them, do it totally, else you will suppress the rest of it. By repeating this process we find that, in the longer term, we feel the benefits of allowing all emotions and we become more real and have more clarity.
Allowing emotions to be there takes courage as it is something we don’t normally do, and welcoming them in may seem counter-intuitive, but the benefits are there waiting for us. However, first we do need to let go of the idea that there are ‘Good’ and ‘Bad’ emotions, and realise they are all OK. They are not you at your deepest level, but they are the closest you will get to 'you' in that moment, so accept and cherish them in that moment, be real and allow them to be there.
And the point of all this? Because if you want to know who you are at your deepest level then these emotions are a doorway opening inwards - for you to go deeper and start to explore...
